


Hypothetically Speaking

by InbeTreena



Category: The Inbetweeners
Genre: Angst and Humor, Boys Kissing, Friends to Lovers, Heavy Petting, M/M, Male Slash
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-01-12
Updated: 2015-06-12
Packaged: 2018-01-08 13:01:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 21,513
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1132961
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InbeTreena/pseuds/InbeTreena
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A game of hypothetics, a little homoerotic banter and some secret-sharing escalates in a way that Will and Simon hadn't bargained for. Will/Simon slash. Rated for language and boys kissing/having sexy time. Chapter 3 now up!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

_AN: Happy new year, everyone! Since Christmas, I’ve been half-heartedly working on a plan for a Will/Jay multi-chapter story. It looks good so far, but it’s probably going to take a lot of time and work for me to churn it out. So until I can get my arse into gear with regards to that, here’s a Will/Simon story for you. Enjoy!_

** Hypothetically Speaking **

Another tedious school week had ended, and a couple of suburban lads were trying to make the most of an uneventful Friday evening. Their other mates had their own commitments to attend to, with Jay going away with his family for the weekend to visit his grandparents and Neil off out with some girl he’d met through his latest random part time job. As usual, Will didn’t

 have anything to occupy his time other than perfecting his already perfect A Level coursework portfolio, and so had felt rather grateful when Simon had asked him over to keep him company in an otherwise empty house. Apparently, even Simon’s parents and younger brother had more exciting plans for the weekend than they did.

They’d spent most of the evening in the comfort of Simon’s living room, lounging about on the sofa, watching TV and sharing the bottle of red wine that Simon’s mum had so kindly offered them. Naturally, Simon had proceeded to bitch for roughly ten minutes about how he wasn’t a forty year old housewife and therefore would have much preferred to have beer, but had ended up drinking his fair share regardless. Will was happy though - the wine definitely suited his slightly more refined tastes. The whole situation suited him, really. It was true that they weren’t doing anything special, but the simple act of sitting and enjoying the sole company of his closest friend was undeniably nice. The conversation seemed to flow so much better when it wasn’t being broken up by Jay’s persistent attention-seeking interjections, or by Neil’s insipid divergences.

Will sipped from his second glass of wine, squinting at the television as Simon flicked through a variety of channels. He finally stopped, presumably tired of trying to find something half-decent to watch, and tossed the remote onto the coffee table with a sigh. The boys watched as a young lady on screen rambled on about her elaborate fashion sense in some poorly thrown-together video package.

“Fucking hell, is this really what constitutes as prime time Friday night television nowadays?” Will said offhandedly. “What is this bollocks anyway?”

“I think it’s called 'Snog, Marry, Avoid',” Simon replied, his eyes not moving from the screen. “It’s like some sort of extreme make-over show or something.”

That was all Will really needed to hear in order to quickly arrive at the conclusion that continuing to watch would be both pointless and unenjoyable. He looked down into his glass, swirling the scarlet liquid around thoughtfully.

“I thought 'Snog, Marry, Avoid' was a sort of a game,” he said after a moment. “Where you take the names of three people and hypothetically state which action you’d rather attribute to them. Like... Carli, Charlotte and Rachel, for example?”

Apparently bored with the television too, Simon turned towards Will, moving to sit cross-legged on the sofa.

“Hmm...snog Charlotte, marry Carli, avoid Rachel. You?”

Having already considered it, Will answered instantly. “Snog Rachel, marry Carli, avoid Charlotte.”

“Really?” Simon frowned. “Why would you avoid Charlotte?”

“Well, I’ve already snogged her...” Will shuffled around until he was imitating Simon’s sitting position. “And saying I’d want to marry her after everything that’s happened between us just feels a bit weird.”

“Yeah, I suppose there’s that...” Simon leaned forward to collect his glass from the coffee table. Just as he was about to take a sip, he froze, giving Will a sideways glance. “Hang on though. Did you just say that you’d  **marry**  Carli?”

“Only because I know her better than I know Rachel.”

“I can’t believe you just said that you’d want to marry Carli though!  **My**  Carli!”

Will rolled his eyes. “For goodness sake, it’s hypothetical. It’s not really going to happen. And she's not 'your Carli' anyway, so I’ll marry her if I bloody well please.”

The massively offended look on his friend’s face amused Will greatly, and he made absolutely no effort to hide that fact. Simon’s horrified expression quickly melted into a wicked grin as he watched Will take another mouthful of wine.

“Alright then, here’s one for you. Me, Jay and Neil: snog, marry, avoid?”

Will spluttered, a short coughing fit ensuing as he tried his damnedest not to spill and/or spit wine all over the Coopers” suede leather cushions. He recovered quickly, scowling at the laughter coming from the other end of the sofa. Simon shrugged off the nasty look he was being shot.

“It’s only hypothetical, Will. It’s not like it’s really going to happen, is it?”

“Alright, fine...” Will sighed, taking a considerably larger sip of wine this time. “Avoid Jay, obviously.”

“Oh? I thought you liked blonds.”

Ignoring that, Will continued. “Snog Neil, marry you.”

“And what’s wrong with snogging  **me** , exactly?”

Will grinned at Simon’s mock indignation. “I would assume that if we were married, I’d get to snog you anyway.”

“Yeah,” Simon sniggered. “And suck me off.”

Will winced a little before laughing too. “Only on your birthday and Christmas though.”

“That’s a bit stingy, mate.”

“If you get it more often than that, you’ll stop appreciating it.”

Both boys mirthfully shook their heads at each other. As weird as it seemed from an outside perspective, homoerotic banter was fairly commonplace between them. They usually saved it for when they were alone though – Jay’s insecurities rendered him incapable of participating in such talk, and Neil simply wasn’t astute enough not to take it literally. Will tipped his glass towards Simon.

“Same question to you, by the way.”

“Avoid Neil, snog Jay, marry you.”

“Seriously?” Will crinkled his nose. “You’d rather snog Jay than Neil?”

“I reckon Jay would appreciate the attention more.”

“Yeah, but Neil’s a nicer bloke.”

“True. Probably wouldn’t kiss and tell either.”

“Exactly. And he’s better looking.”

Simon snorted, eyebrow arched in amusement. “Can’t say that I’ve noticed, really.”

“He is.”

“Ooh, you sure you don’t want to marry  **him**  then?”

Hearing that customary high-pitching mocking tone made Will cringe. “Piss off. I’m speaking strictly from an objective viewpoint.”

“If you say so, mate,” Simon smirked, pausing to take another mouthful of wine. “So, what makes me worthy of a hypothetical lifelong commitment from you then?”

“I suppose I just imagine that you’d make a pretty decent life-partner,” Will mused, then added quickly: “Compared to Jay and Neil, anyway.”

“Do you really think so?”

“Of course. You’re nicely spoken, reasonably intelligent with good prospects. Not to mention that sweet albeit occasionally creepy romanticism about you. You’d be a pretty good catch, to be fair.”

Simon pulled a face. “Wish Carli saw it that way.”

Will fell silent, busying his mouth with a prolonged glug of wine. He really didn’t want to encourage Simon to go off on yet another rant about his fruitless pursuit of his childhood sweetheart. Not only was it irritatingly repetitive, but he hated how inconsolably sad his friend always sounded when lamenting over his seemingly incurable heartache. Simon stared at the wall for a moment, a tiny smile suddenly tugging at his lips.

“I think I’d make a pretty good dad too.”

“Certainly, if the ability to projectile vomit onto a child’s head with extreme accuracy counts as a parenting skill,” Will joked.

“Seriously, though,” Simon said, his eyes returning to Will’s face. “I’d be great, don’t you think? I mean, look who I’ve had to learn from.”

Will frowned. “But you’re always saying how shit and annoying your parents are.”

“Exactly! I’d know exactly what  **not**  to do. Like not putting a filter on the Internet, or not making my son keep his bloody bedroom door open when he’s got a girl round,” Simon rolled his eyes. “I’d actually be a cool dad, instead of a fucking fun Nazi.”

“So if we hypothetically married and had hypothetical children, I’d have to be the proverbial ‘bad-cop’ parent that they’d grow up despising then? Wonderful.”

“I would have thought that you’d rather enjoy being the disciplinarian.”

“I hope you’re not implying that you think I’m some sort of control freak.”

“No, just a bit... bossy and overbearing at times.”

“That’s practically the same thing!”

Ignoring his friend’s whining, Simon cringed as something occurred to him. “Oh, God! Imagine what absolute fucking weirdoes our kids would be, with both of our personalities combined into them!”

“Oh, God...” Will echoed. It was a thought disturbing enough to make him forget about Simon’s insulting commentary on his personality. “Although fortunately, it doesn’t work that way. Only one of us could be the actual biological father to our hypothetical offspring. I nominate you, since you’re the looker of the two of us.”

Simon grinned. “Not as good-looking as Neil though, right?”

“Yeah, very good...”

“But you’re cleverer than me, mate. Would our kids not be better off with brainy genetics instead of good-looking ones?”

“Because brains have certainly gotten me far in life so far, haven’t they?” Will muttered, sounding somewhat bitter.

“Well... maybe one day, they’ll work out a way for two men to combine their genetics and make a baby from that? Then our hypothetical baby could be like, fit  **and**  clever? Like some sort of superhero’s baby?”

The exaggerated enthusiasm in Simon’s voice made Will chuckle.

“So just to be clear, our hypothetical story so far is that we’re married, I suck you off twice a year and our children are superheroes who hate me because you’ve called dibs on being the ‘cool parent’?”

“Sounds about right.”

“Great.” Will smiled sardonically. “Well, I literally can’t believe that we’re having this conversation. At risk of us taking a further descent into madness, dare I ask why you’d choose to marry me?”

Simon shrugged. “Sort of a no-brainer, really. I guess I’m just more comfortable around you than I am with the other two. Jay would just do my head in with all his bullshit, and me and Neil would probably spend the rest of our lives barely saying two words to each other.”

“To be fair, both scenarios sound like pretty normal marriages to me,” Will quipped, before becoming a little more serious. “I have to say, though; I’m rather flattered that you say you feel more comfortable with me than you do with friends that you’ve known since you were in primary school.”

“Dunno what to tell you, mate. We just…click, I suppose. I mean, I can talk to you about anything and I know you’ll understand. I can rely on you, I trust you. Those sorts of things are really important in a relationship, yeah?”

“Yeah, I suppose they are...”

Their eyes met and they smiled at each other, inadvertently holding each other’s gaze long enough for an odd sensation of wellbeing to wash over them. The atmosphere quickly turned rather intense, and both boys felt the same strange buzz of electricity bubbling inside of them. Will became uncomfortable with it first, suddenly finding the contents of his wine glass deeply fascinating. Simon blinked heavily and let out a soft nervous laugh.

“Hopefully one day, I can feel that way about a girl.”

“Indeed...” Will breathed, happy that normalcy was resuming. “But should I ever find myself with the desire for gender reassignment surgery, I promise that you’ll be the first to know.”

Although it was clearly a joke, Simon still looked rather horrified. “God, mate! No offence, but I think seeing you as a girl would be enough to make me switch teams.”

Will grinned mischievously. “Quite the dilemma, since that would rather negate the need for me to be a girl in the first place. And what do you mean, you cheeky sod? I’d be nothing short of stunning if I was female! I’ve actually been told that I have rather feminine hips.”

“Oh, fucking hell,” Simon groaned, dropping his face into his hands. “This conversation  **has**  taken a darker turn,”

“I think I’d look pretty damn fetching in a faux leather bustier and some fishnet hold-ups.”

“Jesus Christ! Please stop talking!”

Having indulged himself in a laugh at Simon’s expense, Will mercifully provided his friend with enough of a window of silence to erase certain images from his mind. It wasn’t long before Simon raised his head again. He leaned back against the sofa cushions, casting a thoughtful look in Will’s direction.

“Have you ever thought about pulling a bloke?”

The blunt question definitely took Will by surprise. He hesitated, choosing his words carefully before reaching over to give Simon a sympathetic pat on the shoulder.

“Our teenage years are a confusing time, mate,” he said with a gentle smile. “It’s probably just a phase, nothing to worry about.”

“Yeah, cheers for that,” Simon said sarcastically. “But I was asking about  **you** , actually?”

Will recoiled sharply. “Me? Why me?”

“You went to a same-sex school, didn’t you?”

“So you’re surmising that because I went through a period of spending all my time in the company of other men, I must have felt compelled to have a go at switching teams?”

Simon shrugged. “You might have done. I probably would have, given no other choice. Desperate times call for desperate measures, don’t they?”

“We weren’t stranded on a desert island, Simon! There was a private school for girls just half a mile down the road.”

“But did you though?”

“Why on earth are you so eager to know?”

“Can I gather from your very obvious avoidance of the question that the answer is yes, then?”

Will opened his mouth to plead the contrary, but found himself unable to. He’d never liked lying, least of all to people he cared about. To be fair, Simon didn’t appear either fazed or shocked by his silent confession, but it still wasn’t something that Will had been at all prepared to discuss. When Will’s anxious eyes dropped away from his, Simon suddenly felt rather guilty for making his friend look so uncomfortable.

“It’s alright, mate,” he said softly. “I’m not judging. To be fair, I probably would have lost my fucking mind if I’d been away from girls for as long as you were.”

The two sat silently for what felt like quite a long time. Eventually, Will turned to face Simon, shuffling closer and lowering his voice despite knowing full well that they were the only ones in the house.

“...Please understand that I’m only prepared to tell you this because I trust you implicitly.”

Simon’s eyes widened. “Fucking hell, have you actually-?”

“Listen!” Will interrupted. “I’ll tell you, but if you ever breathe a word of this to anyone - especially Jay - I’ll never speak to you again for as long as I live. Is that clear?”

Simon nodded emphatically. “It’s alright, I can keep a secret. Come on then. Tell me about your boarding school boyfriend.”

Will scowled, trying not to blush at Simon’s teasing smile. “He wasn’t my ‘boyfriend’! He was just an acquaintance I knew from my house. A lot of the lads would often sneak over to the girls’ school for ‘a bit of action’, as they called it. However, if you were caught, the penalty was immediate expulsion. So as you can probably imagine, I wasn’t rebellious enough to join them. And neither was he. So we...” He paused, hoping that Simon would spare him the trouble of finishing his sentence. When no respite came, Will sighed deeply. “...we settled for... practicing being with girls with each other.”

It was a bold and somewhat embarrassing admission to make, but oddly liberating in a way. Simon’s lack of reaction was encouraging too. He didn’t seem repulsed or inordinately amused, and didn’t appear to be looking at his best friend any differently to how he usually did.

“That’s fair enough. How was it, then?”

Will managed to conjure up a half-smile. Something about the casualness in Simon’s voice made him feel infinitely more comfortable.

“It was alright, I suppose. Not all that different to kissing a girl, really.”

“So it was  **just**  kissing then?”

The smile faded. “...Yes.”

Simon laughed - he couldn’t help himself. “You’re a fucking terrible liar, Will.”

After a few seconds of looking ridiculously flustered, Will gave a vigorous defeated nod.

“Right! Yes, fine! There might have been...wandering hands involved to some degree, but nothing more!”

“You sure about that?”

“Yes!”

Still smirking, Simon held up his hands defensively. “Alright, I’m just messing. I believe you. So, did you actually fancy him, or-?”

“No...” Will cringed, making a mental note to ask Jay for tips on how to lie more convincingly at some point in the near future. “...not in a conventional sense anyway. Enough to make me do what I did with him, I suppose, but...I don’t know. It was never about those sorts of feelings anyway. It was just fooling around, nothing more to it than that.”

“What would you have done if he’d asked you out on a date or something though?”

“I’m not gay, if that’s what you’re trying to establish.”

“Oh, I know you’re not. Not completely, anyway...” Simon flinched at the glare he was shot. “And that’s fine! Nothing wrong with keeping your options open, is there?”

His annoyance subsiding, Will sighed. “I’m still not entirely sure what my ‘options’ are, to be perfectly honest.”

“And that’s fine too. It’s like you said - being a teenager’s confusing. And whatever your ‘options’ end up being, it’s not a big deal either way, is it?” When no response came to that, Simon clapped a friendly hand onto Will’s shoulder. “Honestly, it isn’t. A person’s a person, yeah?”

“I’d like to reiterate at this point that if you ever repeat any of this to Jay, I will not hesitate to beat you to death with my briefcase.”

The request was understandable. Their friend wasn’t homophobic as such, but he did possess a pitbull-like tenacity when it came to exploiting the weaknesses of others.

“Absolutely, mate. Don’t worry, you can trust me.”

Will genuinely smiled at that. “Yeah, I know.”

Both boys took a well-deserved swig of wine, feeling a strange sense of closeness after such a personal conversation. Will felt especially content, almost as if a small part of his continuous inner turmoil was now at peace. He didn’t allow skeletons out of his closet often, and it had felt rather good to let his best mate in on something that nobody else knew.

“Have you, then?” he asked.

“Have I what?”

“Ever kissed another bloke?”

“Oh. No, ‘course not.”

Simon chuckled and shook his head like it was the most absurd thing he’d ever heard, a reaction too exaggerated for Will to ignore.

“Not even felt tempted?”

“What? No.”

“Really?” Will smirked. “Didn’t you just say that desperate times would call for desperate measures?”

Simon’s eyes narrowed. “Well... yeah, but-”

“And you’ve at very least considered the idea of snogging Jay tonight.”

“That doesn’t count, it was hypothetical!” Simon huffed. “And at least I don’t think that Jay’s good-looking, unlike you and your boyfriend Neil.”

“Just because I think that Neil’s good-looking, doesn’t mean that I fancy him.”

“Right. Not in the ‘conventional sense’ anyway. Just enough to snog him, yeah?”

Will frowned at that, but he couldn’t really complain. It was inevitable that he’d get some level of grief for his little confession, and he didn’t really mind being teased when Simon was the one doing it.

“If you remember correctly, I also called  **you**  good-looking,” he said good-humouredly. “Do you think I want to snog you too?”

Simon laughed. “Dunno. Do you?”

“You should be so lucky. I’ll have you know that I’m quite the kisser.”

“Oh? Did boarding school lover-boy tell you that?”

“He did actually.”

“And was that before or after you wanked him off?”

“Brilliant,” Will rolled his eyes. “I trust that you’ll show a little more respect for me once we’re wed, Simon.”

“Of course, mate. I’ll treat you like a queen, since apparently you are one.”

“Incredible. Even at this early stage, I can foresee our marriage being a very sexless one.”

“Really? I thought you liked messing around with other boys?”

“Hmm...” Will grinned, swirling the remaining wine in his glass pensively. “And you don’t, which could prove problematic. I’m starting to think that maybe you’re a little too sexually reserved to be my hypothetical life-partner, Simon. I mean, you say you’ve never even been tempted to kiss another man! I bet free-spirited Neil would be up for it. I think I may need to take him on as my lover on the side. Jay too, if things get really desperate. You can’t go wrong with a nice bit of rough.”

A combination of amused and repulsed, Simon gave his temples a firm massage.

“Fucking hell, mate,” he chuckled. “I think you’ve had enough wine.”

Will downed the rest of his drink pointedly as both boys turned their attention back to the television. After some silent contemplation, Simon glanced back over at Will, looking rather concerned.

“Do you really think I’m sexually repressed?”

Will cocked an eyebrow at him. “I said ‘reserved’.”

“It’s basically the same thing though, isn’t it?”

“Not really. And I was joking. And who cares if you are anyway?”

“But I’m not though!” Simon said anxiously. “I’m really not. You can have a look at my Internet history, if you don’t believe me.”

“I’d rather not, if it’s all the same to you.”

“And I **would**  kiss a man, if I needed to.”

“I’m not sure that it’s something you would ever  **need**  to do, Simon.”

“I would, though. I mean, I’m not scared or anything. I honestly wouldn’t have a problem with it.”

“It’s alright, Si.” Will said as condescendingly as possible. “A lot of straight blokes wouldn’t kiss another man. It doesn’t mean that I think any less of you.”

“No, but really, I would. It’s like I said before - a person’s a person, right? There’s nothing wrong with it.”

“Alright, I believe you. Now shut up about it.”

“I totally would, though. I’d kiss you right now, if you’d let me.”

Will snorted. “Well, that’s not going to happen.”

For whatever reason, Simon felt quite insulted.

“Oh, so boarding school boy and Neil are both good enough to kiss you, but I’m not?”

Will looked at Simon incredulously. “Don’t be so bloody petulant. I can’t kiss you because you’re my friend.”

“And Neil’s not?”

“I’ve never snogged Neil, nor do I intend to! You just said before that you’ve never considered kissing another boy.”

“Well, I’m considering it now. And technically it’s your fault that I am, so really-”

“In what way does that make any degree of sense whatsoever? Have you been taking logic processing lessons from Neil or something?”

“Ooh, Neil?” Simon trilled with a mocking grin. “Can’t stop talking about Neil, can we? Your good-looking hypothetical snogging friend?”

Will shook his head in disbelief. “You’ve gone mental! Absolutely fucking mental! And you think  **I’ve**  had too much wine?”

“Ooh, I bet Neil can hold his drink! Two thumbs up for Neil, your good-looking friend! What about boarding school friend? Was he good-looking too?”

“For fuck’s sake, fine!” Will snapped. “I’ll give you a quick peck on the lips if it’ll get you to shut up!”

The smile fell from Simon’s face – his bespectacled friend actually looked serious.

“What? I was just winding you up, mate.”

Will smirked at that. “Oh, but of course. How silly of me. For a moment there, I’d almost forgotten how repressed you are.”

“You said ‘reserved’!”

“It’s basically the same thing!”

The stunned silence from his mate was sufficient to let Will know that he’d won this one. Sitting back in his seat, he folded his arms across his chest as he once again tried to make sense of whatever new hell was now showing on the television screen. Still glaring at the side of Will’s face, Simon snatched up his wine and downed it. The glass was returned to the coffee table with such force that Will was surprised it didn’t shatter. He looked back over at Simon, analysing the intense wide-eyed expression on his friend’s face.

“Alright then. If that how you feel, fuck it. Let’s do this.”

Will stared at him blankly. “You can’t be serious.”

“I bloody am!”

“Simon, you don’t have to prove-”

“No, come on! I’m up for it if you are. Just close your eyes and pretend I’m Neil, if that makes it any easier for you.”

As if to accentuate his point, Simon shuffled closer, eyes locked on Will’s. The challenge in both his voice and body language was evident, and Will suddenly found himself wishing that he wasn’t so easily led by goading. To be fair, it probably wasn’t going to be a big deal. Worst case scenario; their mouths would scarcely touch before Simon would dash out of the room to dry-heave into the kitchen sink, only to return moments later feeling deeply impressed with himself for daring to be so uninhibited. This thought in mind, Will casually turned his body so that he could face Simon. They stared at each other, and Simon licked his lips nervously. After a solid half minute of nothing happening, Will threw his hands up.

“Well?”

Simon blinked rapidly. “Well, what?”

“Well, this was **your**  idea, wasn’t it?” Will gestured pointedly to his own mouth. “Haven’t got all fucking night, mate.”

“Oh, right!”

Being thrown into the driver’s seat perturbed Simon a little bit. He’d rather hoped that Will would take control, since he was the one with experience at this sort of thing. Judging by the doubtful expression on Will’s face, it was a conscious decision - he clearly didn’t think Simon would go through with it. Swallowing thickly, Simon started to lean in only to pull back again.

“So, do I just go for it?” he asked hastily. “Like I would if I was kissing a girl, yeah?”

“Yes, Simon,” Will replied, being more than just a little patronising. “A person’s a person, as you’ve repeatedly pointed out.”

“Yeah, “course. Good point. Okay then...”

He stared directly at Will’s mouth, mentally psyching himself up before resting a determined hand on the other boy’s shoulder. Will sucked in a deep breath, clearly struggling to keep a straight face. Ignoring his friend’s amusement, Simon began slowly leaning in again, his grey-blue eyes closing. When his movement finally came to a halt, his puckered lips still hovered a good two inches away from their target. Rolling his eyes, Will sighed and abruptly closed the gap between them. The contact startled Simon, but not in the way he thought it would. He felt an odd combination of panic and exhilaration twist in his gut, and a shower of warmth spread across his face. For his part, Will dismissed anything he immediately felt as simple nostalgia. While it certainly felt good to have another boy’s mouth on his after so long, he was merely calling Simon’s bluff here. He’d fully expected his friend to immediately pull away, and was rather taken aback when he didn’t. The kiss was chaste and soft, lasting a little longer than Will had originally planned. He felt Simon’s hand tighten its grip on his shoulder and took it as his cue to pull back.

“There, now will you kindly shut the fuck up about-”

As Will spoke, the hand on his shoulder snaked up around the back of his head and pulled him back in. The second kiss was firmer, more certain. Simon trembled slightly, no longer sure what was going on in his head - amongst other places. But for some reason, he felt certain that having a more lengthy taste of his friend’s mouth would help. Will was having trouble fathoming the situation too, struggling to remember exactly how they’d arrived at this point. Any ideas he had about pulling away again were quickly forgotten when Simon’s lips started pressing against his more insistently. He kissed back with enthusiasm, enjoying how deliciously wet Simon’s eager mouth was making his. Taking in a deep composing breath through his nose, Will recognised the familiar scent of his best friend’s hair-gel. At the back of his mind, he knew there was no way that this could possibly end well, but his blasted hormones seemed to be shouting down that particular sobering thought.

Simon felt a hand fall to rest upon his knee and shifted uncomfortably at the effect it had on his body. Will had been right; this was frighteningly similar to kissing a girl... Craving more, he opened his mouth slightly, the tip of his tongue teasing the other boy’s bottom lip. Will tentatively responded in kind, noting the taste of wine lingering on Simon’s mouth. Spurred on by this tiny act of encouragement, Simon tightened his fingers in Will’s dark curls, his tongue delving inside his friend’s parted lips. Will reciprocated without hesitation this time, his heightening arousal slowly disconnecting him from the fact that the attractive young man kissing him was in fact his best friend. He squeezed Simon’s knee and was rewarded with a rougher open-mouthed kiss passionate enough to make him see flashes of colour behind his closed eyelids. Simon noticed Will’s breathing hitch and smiled inwardly. He still didn’t have a good grip on exactly what was happening, but he knew he was enjoying everything about it. The way Will was kissing him, the taste of his mouth, the way his hands felt on him... It was rather unsettling in many ways, but it also felt too damn amazing not to continue.

With the kisses becoming more aggressive, Will soon found himself being knocked off balance. His hands reluctantly left Simon’s body, pressing palm-down on the cushions so he could steady himself. The loss of contact seemed to annoy Simon, who lunged forward and forcefully guided Will down onto his back. As the other boy’s body weight shifted on top of him, Will blushed, anxious as to whether or not Simon could detect the growing hardness in his trousers from his new vantage point. If he could, it clearly wasn’t deterring him. Simon’s tongue continued to massage Will’s with lengthy strokes, and he let out a pleasurable grunt as curious fingertips trailed across his modestly muscled back. His hips bucked slightly, the resulting friction between them causing both boys to shudder. Will’s hands wandered down to the small of Simon’s back, encouraging yet another burst of breath-taking pressure. Hearts racing and breaths coming in shallow pants, the world around them seemed to have faded into nothing. Will couldn’t even hear the television blaring in the background anymore. All he was aware of was the impassioned kisses and feverish gyration of the hot writhing body he was pinned beneath.

Simon’s grinding quickly became more frequent, more frenzied, almost as if he was trying to fuck Will through their clothing. He couldn’t believe how turned on he was by this. The heat building up inside him was becoming absolutely unbearable, and he could sense that Will was suffering from similar symptoms. Simon arched his back slightly, reaching in between them and fumbling with the other boy’s zipper. Too far gone to care, Will eagerly reciprocated, his fingertips attacking the button fastening on Simon’s jeans. Even through the thick denim, he could tell that Simon was as hard as he was. All ideas of damage control were vanquished from Will’s mind as a hand dove beneath his underwear. He gasped as warm fingers enveloped his cock and was all too keen to return the favour, yanking Simon’s jeans open and seizing the other boy’s hardness. They stroked each other vigorously, soft groans of pleasure coming in waves between the constant plundering of each other’s mouths. Neither of them was going to last long at this stage, too swept away in utter bliss to maintain any level of control. Simon finished first, cursing loudly and unintelligibly. Will’s climax was slightly more dignified, concluding with a husky moan into the mouth that continued to pepper his lips with lustful kisses.

Their mouths finally parted as they took time to recover, panting heavily. When he was able to think coherently again, Will surveyed the scene. Simon was still sprawled out on top of him, and for some reason neither boy had seen fit to remove their hand from inside the other’s undergarment. He felt the evidence of their encounter rapidly cooling on his fingers and against his thighs. They were in quite a mess – and in more ways than one, Will feared. He glanced briefly at Simon and noticed that he too was now looking around, trying to make sense of what had just happened. Suddenly, their eyes met. Their faces revealed the same expression – a blend of concern, shock and confusion. Will searched his every faculty for something placating to say, but came up empty-handed. Bravely taking the initiative, Simon let out a shuddery sigh.

“So...that’s what you got up to at boarding school then?”

Will took a moment to process the light-hearted remark and let out a short, somewhat uneasy laugh. Any witty comeback he had in mind was derailed by the curiously wistful look that Simon was giving him. Just as Will was about to question it, Simon answered by leaning in and capturing his lips once more. It was unexpectedly tender, rather reminiscent of their first, yet now felt romantic enough to make Will blush. He cupped Simon’s cheek in his hand, the pads of his fingers tracing along the rough jawline as the kiss started to deepen again.

The sudden rattle of keys in the front door startled them into jumping apart. A hasty refastening of clothing ensued, followed by both boys desperately trying to ignore the stickiness in their pants and on their hands. Will sat back on the couch, one leg crossed over the top of the other as he adjusted his skewed glasses. It wasn’t long before Simon’s dad entered the room. He nodded at them in friendly greeting, and seemed oblivious of anything untoward ever occurring.

“Alright, boys?”

“Alright, Dad?” Simon murmured hoarsely.

“Did you have a nice evening, Mr Cooper?” Will said, turning on his characteristic politeness.

“Yeah, not bad. It’s not over yet though. The best is yet to come, if you get my meaning.”

With a cheeky smirk, Mr Cooper nodded towards the sound of his wife ascending the staircase. As Simon audibly groaned, his father glanced over at him and frowned.

“For Christ sake, Simon! Haven’t we’ve talked about that before?”

Will looked at his friend, noticing for the first time that he had strategically placed a cushion across his lap. The two caught eyes and Simon visibly blushed, shooting daggers at his father.

“Dad, shut up!”

Mr Cooper glanced towards the television. Conveniently, some show about supermodels had come on without the boys noticing. He rolled his eyes, casting a knowing look in Will’s direction.

“Sorry about him, Will. No self-control, some lads. A hot young body catches their imagination and that’s it. Libido just takes over.”

“Apparently so, Mr Cooper.”

“Look, did you want something?” Simon snapped. “Or did you just come in here to be embarrassing and get on our nerves?”

Mr Cooper clucked his tongue. “Alright, calm down. Seeing as I haven’t had a drink yet, I was just going to offer Will a lift home.”

The childish attitude suddenly drained from Simon’s face. “Oh, right...”

“But there’s no need if you lads are enjoying yourselves. You’re more than welcome to spend the night, Will. I’m easy, decision’s yours.”

The boys exchanged glances, their mixed feelings on the matter glaringly obvious. There was no doubt in either of their minds that they seriously needed to talk, but whether now was the right time to do it was debatable. Will narrowed his eyes questioningly at Simon, hoping that it would prompt him to make a decision. Simon remained unhelpfully silent though, his expression unreadable.

“I’d...better go, actually,” Will said, a slight tremble in his voice. “I’ve got an early start in the morning.”

Simon nodded slowly, unable to decide whether he was relieved or disappointed. “Yeah, no worries. I think I’ve got some stuff to sort out anyway.”

Will turned to retrieve his jacket from where it hung on the back of the sofa, dangling it in front of himself so as to conceal his crotch when he stood. Tonight was definitely not a good night to have worn beige trousers. He moved towards the door, smiling as brightly as possible at his friend’s father.

“Thank you very much, Mr Cooper.”

“Not a problem, it’s my pleasure. Coming along for the drive, Si?”

“Err, better not. Need to take a shower before bed.”

“Oh, yeah? Hear that, Will? ‘Needs a shower’ all of a sudden. Just make sure you give the tiles a good rinse off when you’re finished.”

Mr Cooper winked playfully and left the room, leaving his son looking aghast. But Simon quickly forgot his embarrassment when Will met his eyes one more time. He’d never seen the bespectacled lad looking so anxious.

“Night, Si...”

Simon flinched at how sad his friend sounded. “Yeah... See you later, mate!”

His forced optimistic tone didn’t seem to have the desired effect, and he heard Will let out a shaky sigh as he stepped out into the hallway. After hearing the front door close, Simon dropped back against the sofa and stared up at the ceiling. What the fuck had happened here tonight? How had it ended up going so far? Why hadn’t he or Will put a stop to it? More importantly, why had he enjoyed it so much? He’d never so much as looked at another boy sexually before, so why had kissing one felt so good? Good enough to make him do... **that** with such little hesitation?

So much for having no plans for the weekend. Apparently, he had a lot of thinking to do...

//\\\//\\\//\\\//\\\//\\\

_AN: Sorry for the angsty cliff-hanger type ending. It wasn’t part of my original plan for this story. This was meant to be a one-shot, but I’ve decided that Simon and Will are quite sweet (and sexy!) together and I actually want to continue this. I have no idea when the next chapter will be up, but I have plenty of ideas in mind for it._

_Anyway, thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed it. If you have a moment, hit the button below and let me know what you thought._


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will makes an effort to right the wrongs of Friday night, but it seemed that Simon has better things to do.

_AN: Many thanks for all the comments, kudos and bookmarks that you lovely people bestowed upon the first part of ‘Hypothetically Speaking’. Here’s chapter 2, and it’s only taken me, what? Nine months? Wow. I literally could have had a bloody baby in the time it’s taken me to update this story. That’s embarrassing, quite frankly! Rest assured, chapter three will come out a lot quicker, as I actually have a direction in mind for this story now. Anywho, this chapter is pretty angsty. I’ve tried to lighten it up with a bit of humour and some cheesy romantic nonsense, but... yeah, it’s pretty much a total downer. It’s necessary though, I swear. Enjoy!_

****

** Hypothetically Speaking – Chapter 2 **

 

Will sat at his desk, staring at the laptop screen despondently. For what felt like the millionth time, he clicked open his Facebook messages and scrolled through the correspondence he’d had with Simon over the past few days. He saw exactly the same thing he’d found every other time he’d looked at it; five carefully worded lengthy messages, all of which had been sent by him. According to the conversation log, Simon hadn’t so much as looked at them yet. Will glanced over to the chat display: Simon would always log onto Facebook to chat on Sunday evenings, without fail. But the green dot next to his name hadn’t appeared even once over the entire weekend. Clicking onto Jay’s profile page, Will searched through the banquet of inane rubbish his friend had recently posted or shared to see if Simon had liked or commented on any of it. Not a thing. The same went for Neil’s profile, and even Carli’s. If Simon had been online at all over the weekend, he’d been very careful to be discrete about it.

 

In desperation, Will reached for his phone. He’d already tried both calling and texting, five and eight times respectively, but was yet to receive an answer. He’d even tried Simon’s house phone once. He was told by Mrs Cooper that Simon was too busy to talk right now; that he’d call back later. Unsurprisingly, later never came. Will hesitated before hitting the call button one more time, deciding there was no harm in making it an even six. What was that quote from Einstein? The one about how repeatedly doing the same thing and expecting different results was the definition of insanity? Perhaps this situation was driving Will a bit crazy. But to be fair, he wasn’t exactly expecting a different result by now. Just hoping for one.

 

Once again, the call rang through to voicemail. Will had already left two messages by this medium. Leaving a third wasn’t likely to make much difference at this point. He ended the call, tossing his mobile back onto the desk. Without bothering to check Facebook again, he minimised his web browser. The Word document containing his unfinished Sociology essay filled the screen. He stared at the scant paragraph he’d typed out so far, none of it making any sense to him anymore. The words slowly became blurred as his eyes frosted over with tears. The last time he’d spent the best part of a weekend crying was when his father had walked out on him and his mother. His head was as much of a mixed bag of negative emotions now as it had been back then. He was deeply frustrated by Simon’s lack of communication, and angry at himself for losing control of the situation on Friday. But more than anything, he was sad, because he now felt pretty certain that he’d lost his best friend and didn’t know if there was anything he could do about it.

 

He removed his glasses, dropping his face into his hands. What the fuck had gotten into him on Friday? Why had he allowed things to go so far? Why did he have to bring up that stupid pointless game? Playing it had seemed to trigger everything else; the first domino to fall in the resulting cascade of further pointless stupidity. In between his many weeping sessions, he’d thought of nothing but how he could possibly remedy this horrible state of affairs, but it was proving impossible without Simon’s feedback. All Will wanted was a chance to talk things over. But perhaps he was asking for too much too soon. Simon was an emotional lad who always took his time to silently mull over difficult situations. If he had been feeling even half as lousy as Will had felt all weekend, it was likely that he wasn’t in any mood to talk. Perhaps it would have been better if Will had taken the same detached attitude, instead of so hastily acting to seek a resolution as he always did. Maybe pushing to discuss the matter was only making things worse, and that Simon’s idea of a resolution was to simply ignore what had happened and carry on as normal. But if that was the case, why was he avoiding all contact with his best friend? That certainly wasn’t normal; the antithesis, in fact.

 

Fed up of his fruitless attempts to focus on schoolwork, Will got up from his desk and lay on his bed. He gazed up at the ceiling, fighting his lethargy. His head was aching. He hadn’t been sleeping well. He couldn’t. Every time he closed his eyes, images of Friday evening would flood his mind. As much as he’d tried, he couldn’t deny that what had happened with Simon had felt wonderful. But it shouldn’t have. As far as he knew, Simon was straight and obsessed with Carli. This was the painful reality that Will had long since forced himself to accept. In truth, he’d always found Simon very attractive, albeit a little odd. To say he’d fancied the other boy in their early days of knowing each other would be a fair statement. But when it had appeared that their friendship was actually starting to progress, Will had done everything in his power to force aside any complicated feelings he might have been developing for Simon. He seemed to get away with it too, save for when Jay would make the occasional crass observation that he was clearly ‘bent for Si’.

 

And perhaps Will was still a little ‘bent’ for him. He certainly cared for him deeply, and it was a fairly common occurrence for Simon to sneak into his thoughts late at night while he was pleasuring himself. But Will had never had a best friend before, and was rather proud to call Simon his. He never would have dreamed of doing anything to jeopardise the bond they’d come to share. Friday evening had ruined all of that though. Perhaps more accurately, **Will** had ruined it. He could have easily pulled away when Simon tried to deepen the kiss, laughed it off and continued on as if nothing had happened. If he had done, the situation might not look as bleak as it did now. How could he have let his guard down so spectacularly?

 

However, despite his persistent wallowing in self-loathing, a multitude of questions still burned at the back of Will’s mind. Primarily, why should have the decision to bring their clinch to an end been solely his responsibility? Why hadn’t Simon made a move to stop it? He’d actually seemed really into it, perhaps even more so than Will had been. Why? The fact that Simon had continued their kissing once the deed had been done was also a point of interest. In Will’s experience, the achievement of climax usually brought a swift conclusion to the contact between himself and his allegedly straight male partner. Had Simon wanted to take things even further? Had he wanted Will to stay? Is that why he was ignoring Will’s correspondence now? Because he felt rejected? And in the event that Will had chosen to stay, would things now be better between them than they currently were, or would they just be in an even bigger mess? Or would it not have made a difference either way? What had been going through Simon’s head on Friday? More importantly, what was going through his head right now? Why wouldn’t he just answer his messages or pick up his fucking phone? All Will wanted was the opportunity to straighten things out between them. What was Simon so afraid of? They were best fucking friends, for goodness sake!

 

Will sighed angrily at his foolish thoughts. He could easily lie here until he was old and grey, wasting even more time than he already had done speculating over Simon’s feelings, conjuring up questions that he wasn’t likely to ever receive satisfactory answers to. When it came down to it, it was probably quite obvious why Simon had continued to kiss him. It was exactly as Mr Cooper had inferred; teenage boys are driven by their cocks. Any sexual contact with a warm consenting body is better than none at all. Simon’s libido had taken over him, the same as Will’s had, and he’d just wanted to make the most of the moment while they were caught up in it. And now, in the aftermath, he was embarrassed and so filled with regret that he was unable to bring himself to so much as send his best friend a text message. It was as simple as that, most likely. But the fact that the most probable explanation was so basic just made the situation all the more painful for Will to handle. It all seemed so senseless, so avoidable...

 

His tired head starting to spin, Will stood on unsteady legs, practically stumbling back over to his desk. He took one last futile glance at Facebook before closing his laptop down and getting into bed. He’d really hoped to have at least had some level of communication with Simon before seeing him face-to-face tomorrow at school, but that clearly wasn’t going to happen. Gritting his teeth, he returned his watery eyes to the ceiling, preparing himself for yet another sleepless night.

 

//\\\//\\\//\\\//\\\//\\\

 

The next morning, Will waited by the school gates. His bleary eyes scanned the flow of grumpy Monday morning faces moving by him, seeking out only one person in particular. He was starting to feel a bit like a stalker, but didn’t really care. He needed to catch Simon before registration. He wasn’t sure how much they would accomplish in way of productive conversation in such limited time, but any was certainly preferable to none. Even if it was just a hasty apology followed by a vague promise to discuss and, with any luck, overcome their predicament sometime in the near future, it would be a start. Something he could cling to in hope that everything was going to be alright after all.

 

Will glanced at his watch. It was just after quarter to nine. On any other day, Simon would have arrived by now. The wait would soon be over. Unless Simon had decided not to come into school today, of course. That was a possibility, especially if he was still dead-set on his avoidance tactics. If that turned out to be the case, perhaps Will could pay a visit to Simon’s house during his free period, or over lunch. Or would that be a little too imposing? He certainly didn’t want to risk making Simon any more upset than he clearly already was. He could always send yet another text, alerting Simon of his intentions to drop by. That way, technically, he wouldn’t be arriving unannounced, and it might at very least force the other boy into replying if he had any objections. Or it might just give him a heads-up to not answer the door, or to leave the house before his visitor arrived. Will felt a migraine brewing beneath his skull. All of this constant procrastination was very stressful...

 

“Alright, Briefcase?”

 

Will snapped out of his inner plotting as two grinning faces approached him. He forced a smile in return.

 

“What ya doin’ out ‘ere?” Neil asked.

 

“Yeah, I thought this was your mum’s patch. She not mind you poaching her business?”

 

Will didn’t react to Jay’s lewd joke, barely even heard it. “I just needed some fresh air. Have either of you heard from Simon this morning?”

 

Neil shook his head. “Ain’t ‘eard nothin’ since he dropped me ‘ome Friday.”

 

“Yeah, same.” Jay added. “Text him yesterday though.”

 

“And he didn’t reply?”

 

If Jay had noticed how desperate Will’s question sounded, he didn’t show it. “Not yet, the rude twat.”

 

Will wasn’t sure if the fact that Simon was apparently also ignoring other people made him feel better or not. As he followed Neil through the school gates, Jay glanced back over his shoulder.

 

“Oi! You comin’? Or are ya just gonna stand there staring like a nonce outside a nursery?”

 

With a defeated sigh, Will picked up his briefcase and traipsed after his two friends. It did seem rather senseless, to continue to wait around like a lost puppy for someone who most likely wasn’t going to make an appearance. The trio shuffled into the main school building with Jay leading the conversation, rambling on at length about having spent the weekend shagging his grandmother’s Michelle Keegan lookalike care-worker in the back of his grandfather’s Bentley. For once, Will couldn’t be bothered to contradict him. As they rounded the corner into the common room, Jay halted his tirade of bullshit mid-sentence.

 

“Look! There he is, the wanker!”

 

Sure enough, Simon was already at the seated area the boys habitually convened at of a morning. He was slumped forward in his chair staring downwards, chin resting on clasped hands, almost as if he was praying. When Simon looked up on hearing his friends approach, Will could see that he didn’t look particularly well, his face pale and his eyes distant and weary. Keeping his focus fixed squarely on Jay, Simon smiled awkwardly.

 

“Alright?”

 

His voice was strained and hoarse, a perfect match for his exhausted appearance. Jay and Neil flopped down beside him on adjacent seats, not seeming to notice how drained their friend looked. Will cautiously sat down opposite Simon, hoping to at least catch his eye at some point that way.

 

“Didn’t see your car outside, Si,” Neil said.

 

“Yeah. I woke up like, ridiculously early, so I just walked. Been in since about eight, actually.”

 

Jay smirked. “Wanking off the caretaker again?”

 

Neil was the only one who laughed.

 

“No, catching up on coursework,” Simon murmured.

 

“What, first thing Monday morning? Fucking hell, mate! I don’t think even Briefcase is that tragic!”

 

Jay gestured towards their bookish friend, causing Simon’s eyes to briefly flicker in Will’s direction. Despite his uneasiness, Will managed to muster a friendly smile, but if Simon had caught it, he certainly didn’t respond to it. Still oblivious to the tense atmosphere and apparently bored by Simon’s lack of banter, Jay turned his attention to Neil.

 

“How’d your thing with that slag from work go then?”

 

Neil shrugged, cracking open the energy drink he’d fished out of his bag. “Was alright. She’s nice. Bit boring, but nice.”

 

“Did you get any?”

 

“Not really. Didn’t ‘ave time. We were ages at Nando’s ‘cause she wouldn’t stop talkin’. Then afterwards, all she wanted to do was talk more.”

 

“Urgh, wind-up! What is it with girls and fucking talking?”

 

“Yeah, talkin’!” Neil paused to take a swig from his can. “Wasn’t sure if I liked ‘er or not at first. But I give ‘er a goodnight snog. S’ppose I must like ‘er a bit if I bothered snoggin’ ‘er.”

 

“Nah, a snog’s just one of those things, innit? If it didn’t go beyond that, you may as well have just shook hands.”

 

Throughout this exchange, Will had been continuously watching Simon’s troubled face out of the corner of his eye. He’d remained motionless for the most part, staring vacantly at the floor, but raised his head sharply as soon as the topic of kissing came up. As blue eyes reluctantly met his, Will offered up yet another gentle smile. Simon flinched in response, tearing his gaze away from Will and readjusting his sitting position to turn his body towards his other friends. Will barely resisted the urge to tut at such ridiculousness. Simon’s almost fearful reaction made it seem as though Will had savagely beaten him the other night, not simply beaten him off! Just as he made the decision to cut to the chase and ask Simon if they could go somewhere to talk, he was thwarted by Neil continuing with his story.

 

“Would have been fingers too, but she’s on the blob.”

 

Jay frowned. “So what? Nothin’ wrong with dippin’ into the jam jar, mate. A lot of birds love it.”

 

“Really?”

 

“Course they fucking do! Makes ‘em feel all womanly an’ that. You seein’ her again?”

 

“Yeah, maybes. She let me squeeze her tit. That’s somethin’, innit?”

 

“Hmm, depends. Skin-on-skin?”

 

“Skin-on-bra.”

 

“Doesn’t count then, mate. Sorry.”

 

Neil made a disappointed face before taking another long draught of his drink. Jay looked around, noticing for the first time how silent the other two were. Simon was staring off into space, while Will appeared to be staring at Simon. This was a fairly common scenario, as far as Jay was concerned; Simon had always been a dozy daydreamy prick, and Will was clearly fucking queer for dozy daydreamy pricks. But the silence was starting to irk him.

 

“Has someone died or what? Why’s everyone so quiet?”

 

When Simon made no move to respond, Will cleared his throat.

 

“I, err... I’m just rather tired, that’s all. I’ve had a lot on my mind this weekend and haven’t been sleeping particularly-”

 

Jay held up a silencing hand. “Yeah, alright. Didn’t ask for your fucking life-story, mate.” Rolling his eyes, he turned to his other interrogation subject. “What’s your excuse then, misery?”

 

Simon finally looked at his friend and shrugged. “Just thinking, that’s all.”

  
“Stick to what you’re good at, Si.”

 

“Yeah, funny. I’m actually trying to come up with an action plan...” He took one more cursory glance at the bespectacled boy sat opposite him before continuing. “I’m asking Carli out today.”

 

This sudden declaration raised an eyebrow from Will, whereas Jay simply laughed.

 

“Course you are, mate! Just like every other day since you met her in primary, yeah?”

 

“Well, I’m serious this time. The second she walks through that door this morning, I’m asking. Fuck it. What have I got to lose?”

 

Will narrowed his eyes dubiously at the determined look on Simon’s face, not really sure what to make of what he was seeing or hearing. For his part, Jay looked surprised but not overly impressed.

 

“Fair enough. What’s brought this on all of a sudden then?” he asked.

 

“Something just... came to me over the weekend. I’ve thought about it a lot and it sort of made me realise some stuff.”

 

Intrigued by Simon’s resolve, Neil set his drink can aside and leaned forward curiously. “Stuff like what?”

 

“Like if anything’s ever going to happen with me and her, it needs to happen now. Today.”

 

“Why?”

 

“It just does, alright?” Simon replied tetchily. “I’m sick of wandering through life blindly, not knowing what the fuck I’m doing. I need to sort myself out. Take control of my destiny before it’s too late.”

 

After spending a few seconds looking at Simon like he’d just been beamed down from space, Jay turned to glare at Will.

 

“What the fuck have you done to him this time? I swear, whenever he spends time alone with you, he has these meltdowns and starts talking like he’s some all-knowing mastermind of the fucking universe or something!”

 

_Enlightenment via handjob, eh? That’s a new one on me.._. Will bit down on his bottom lip in an effort to prevent his inappropriate cynicism from making him blush. He looked over at Simon for help, but his ‘best friend’ was once again busying himself with gazing at the floor. Donning his best poker face, Will coolly met Jay’s accusatory stare.

 

“I assure you, this has nothing to do with me. Simon is perfectly capable of thinking for himself.”

 

“Oh yeah, right!” Jay scoffed. “‘Wandering through life blindly’? ‘Taking control of my destiny’? Like that doesn’t have your joyless influence tattooed all over it!” He glanced back at Simon. “Have you seriously been taking advice about birds from someone who sees even less action than you do?”

 

“No, he hasn’t,” Will said firmly. “Because I haven’t been giving him any advice to take.”

 

“Yeah, you have been! I can tell, ‘cause the more he listens to you, the fruitier he sounds! You probably wanna steer him away from clunge completely! You’re not gonna be happy ‘til you’ve got him on his knees, begging to suck you off, will ya?”

 

No amount of lip-chewing could have halted the rouge tint that flooded Will’s cheeks upon hearing that. Any other day, he would have easily shrugged off such a vile insinuation, but the remark was just a bit too close to home right now for his liking. Before Will could open his mouth to defend himself, Simon’s head snapped back up.

 

“Would it kill you to keep your fucking mouth shut for once, Jay? This is something **I’ve** decided needs to be done, and it has fuck all to do with **him** , okay?”

 

To say that Will felt offended by being referred to in such a disdainful manner would have been an understatement. ‘ _Him_ ’? So Simon had been left so unbelievably traumatised by what had happened that he couldn’t even bring himself to say his best friend’s actual name now, and could only sneeringly spit out a pronoun instead? Jay also looked noticeably affronted, though obviously not for the same reason.

 

“Alright, you grumpy twat!” he said, glaring back at his riled friend. “No need to jump down my fucking throat, is there?”

 

Any further argument was cut short as Simon caught sight of something behind Jay. Carli had entered the common room, chatting with two of her friends as they wandered over to the vending machines. Will could have sworn that Simon glared pointedly at him before jumping up and practically bounding across the room. In his haste, he almost ran straight into his unsuspecting target.

 

“Carli?”

 

“Oh!” Her powder blue eyes batted wildly, his abrupt approach startling her. “Hi, Simon. How was your weekend?”

 

“Yeah, great. Just great... Listen, do you fancy going for a drink sometime?”

 

Her hand froze in midair as she went to sweep a stray blonde lock out of her face. She looked at him blankly.

 

“Sorry?”

 

“I’m asking you out. On a date,” he clarified, a small smile contorting his lips. “Should have done it ages ago, really. But I’m here now, asking. So, Carli D’Amato, the most beautiful girl in the world... would you go for a drink with me sometime?”

 

She continued to eye him expressionlessly for a moment, mouth slightly agape. She glanced over at his friends, watching on the edges of their seats from the other side of the room, then back to her own friends who were whispering and giggling behind their hands at what they were witnessing. Her gaze then arrived back to Simon, his expression solemn yet hopeful at the same time. She broke into a playful smile.

 

“Alright then, Simon Cooper.”

 

Eyes wide in surprise, he shook his head as if someone had just woken him with a bucket of cold water. “Really?!”

 

“Yeah, why not?” she said, a slight giggle in her voice. “I’m actually free tonight, if that’s good for you?”

 

He hesitated, swallowing thickly. He looked back over at his friends; one of them in particular. Was this really happening? This was what he wanted, right? What he’d always wanted... The bell for registration rang suddenly, snapping his attention back to Carli.

 

“Okay, great! Tonight it is!” he blurted out hastily. “Umm...talk to you later to work out the details?”

 

“Sounds good. Speak soon then.”

 

Smiling beautifully, she leaned forward and pressed a quick kiss to his cheek before heading off with her friends. He heard one of them make a comment about ‘finally growing a pair’, followed by more giggling, but didn’t think too much of it. He slowly returned to the seated area, observing the astounded faces of his friends. Jay and Neil looked astounded, anyway. Will’s expression was unreadable. Or perhaps it was, and Simon just didn’t want to read it. After a moment of stunned silence, Jay and Neil rose to their feet to give their friend an embarrassingly raucous round of applause.

 

“Fucking hell!” Neil laughed. “Congrats!”

 

“Yeah, nice one!” Jay added. “Thought you’d lost her for a minute there with that ‘most beautiful girl’ malarkey, but you actually fucking did it!”

 

Simon shrugged, suddenly feeling rather drained again. “Had to be done, once and for all.”

 

“Proud of ya, mate!” Jay said, clapping him on the back. “Now just try not to fuck it up, and sling one up ‘er on my behalf, yeah?”

 

The three boys exchanged high fives before Jay and Neil collected their things and noisily headed off to their respective form rooms. As Will picked up his briefcase and moved away from the seating area, he considered offering his congratulations also, but simply didn’t feel it to be appropriate. To be honest, the whole display had left him feeling a touch queasy, though he couldn’t quite pinpoint why. He’d never been bothered by seeing Simon chase Carli in the past, regardless of how intense his now subdued crush on his best friend had been. Perhaps he just felt the whole thing had been in rather poor taste. Personally, he would never approach someone he liked so brashly, so publically. Such moves were much better off being made in private, when the moment called for it. During a quiet Friday night in on the sofa, for example...

 

Shaking that absurd thought from his head, Will stopped by the common room door and looked back at Simon. He was still stood in the centre of the seating area like a solitary zombie, staring ahead at nothing. For someone who had just secured a date with the girl of his dreams, he didn’t look particularly happy. He eventually made a move, stooping to collect his backpack from the floor. As he turned towards the door, he noticed who was waiting for him and froze. After a moment’s hesitation, he turned his back again and sat down, pretending to rifle through his bag for something. Watching his friend warily, Will took a few steps back into the room.

 

“Aren’t you coming to registration?”

 

Predictably, Simon didn’t look up. “When I’m ready.”

 

He sounded so detached and robotic, like a serial killer. It made the hairs on the back of Will’s neck stand on end. Despite how nervy he felt at the prospect of annoying Simon any further, Will took a breath and tried again.

 

“Okay. Do you want me to wait for you or...?”

 

He trailed off, cringing. What an agonizingly stupid thing to ask in the circumstances! Simon clearly thought so too, as he let out a short disparaging laugh.

 

“What the fuck do you think?”

 

Will tried to reply, but a growing tightness in his throat prevented him from doing so. He cast one final sorrowful look at the back of Simon’s head before turning to leave. He walked a little way down the corridor, turning into the boys’ toilets and shutting himself inside a cubicle. He sat down on the lidded seat, trying to compose himself as his head started to swim. He could feel his heart beating heavily in his chest and for a moment had serious fears that he was on the brink of some sort of panic attack. He closed his eyes, barely noticing as tears spilled down his face. It wasn’t long before a second bell rang. He’d officially missed registration, and he didn’t give a shit. If his stupid form tutor had a problem with it, she could just fuck off, and so could his worthless first period Sociology class. He didn’t feel he could cope with anything that involved being near other people right now.

 

As Simon’s harsh behaviour towards him replayed in his mind, Will kicked out at his briefcase in frustration. The huge thud it made as it impacted against the cubicle door made him feel slightly better, but not much. He had fully expected Simon to seem uncomfortable or awkward, even resentful. But from the contemptuous looks to the way he’d referred to the other boy as if he was nothing, Simon’s action just reminded Will of the way everybody else treated him. It was exactly how the various people who bullied or claimed to hate him would act; scornful, dismissive and apathetic to his very existence. And the more he thought about it, it was clearly no coincidence that Simon’s burst of confidence with Carli had come about today of all days. It was almost as if Simon was sending Will a clear-cut message; that what had happened between them had meant absolutely nothing, that it had merely served as verification of his heterosexuality and therefore, the very heterosexual feelings he harboured for his childhood sweetheart. That was fine. His fantasies aside, Will had never truly believed for one second that Simon would ever desire him romantically. That had never been what Will had hoped or intended to transpire from their encounter on Friday. All he’d wanted was for the closest friendship he’d ever known to survive, to not be so needlessly extinguished. Apparently, that had been too much to ask.

 

//\\\//\\\//\\\//\\\//\\\

 

What should have been just another normal school day ended up being the longest of Will’s life. Missing his Sociology class in order to compose himself had apparently been a waste of time, since his ever-distracted mind had rendered his Politics class a meaningless blur. His free periods had been spent in an equally productive manner - alone in the library, staring vacantly at books without absorbing a single word. He couldn’t bring himself to eat at lunchtime, especially when Simon no-showed, telling Jay in a text that he had ‘private stuff to do’ in preparation for his date with Carli instead. Jay and Neil both agreed that meant he’d probably ‘sloped off somewhere to wank himself senseless’. The conclusion Will arrived to was a less cheerful but decidedly more realistic one; that Simon just didn’t want to be around ‘ **him** ’ if he could avoid it. With every hour that ticked by, Will found himself becoming more unsettled. Thankfully, his other two friends both didn’t seem to realise or care, and so never questioned his increasingly obvious anxiety.

 

The day finally drew to a close with English Literature, a class that Will and Simon had together. When Will arrived to the classroom, Simon was already there. He was seated towards the back of the room beside Big John, who was usually left to sit alone. Even though it was blatantly obvious that he had, Simon pretended not to notice that Will had entered the room, quickly dropping his eyes to the book they were currently studying. Will found himself unsurprised by this latest turn of events, but his lack of astonishment didn’t make it any less hurtful. Sighing, he took his seat at the front where he and his apparently former best friend would usually sit together. He heard one of Donovan’s lackeys behind him make some remark about a ‘lover’s quarrel’, and barely resisted the urge to tell his classmate to go get fucked. As rude and unnecessary as it was, the Neanderthal had made a valid point – did Simon really need to have made it so obvious? Could he not have just sat where he normally did and ignored Will’s attempts to talk to him, instead of running away and hiding at the back of the room like a coward?

 

Once again, Will felt himself torn between anger and sadness, and spent yet another class totally unable to concentrate on anything other than keeping his composure. There were numerous times when he was sure he felt eyes on his back, but he couldn’t face turning around. If he happened to meet Simon’s eyes again, he definitely would break down. Was this really it for their friendship? Was it really over, just like that? Will didn’t want to believe that it could be true. He’d always had faith that his friendship with Simon was special enough to have lasted a lifetime. They might not have had everything in the world in common, but that had never seemed to alter the fact that they’d just sort of clicked, just like Simon had said himself. They were so comfortable with each other, trusted and understood each other so well. Surely, a friendship like that was worth fighting for? Moreover, losing Simon would also mean that Will was very likely to lose Jay and Neil by default. They’d never chosen to be Will’s friends on their own steam, and would probably have no desire to remain as such if Simon no longer forced them to be. And Will would be left right back where he always seemed to end up; lonely and miserable. It couldn’t end like this. There had to be something he could do.

  
After what seemed like an eternity, the end of day bell rang. Before the echo of its jarring sound had even faded, Simon had already bolted from the classroom. Flinging his notes into his briefcase, Will rushed after him, knowing he was on his way to meet the others so they could walk home together. Battling through the bustling sea of students, he took the quickest route possible out of the building and spotted Simon striding across the courtyard towards the gates.

 

“Simon? Simon, wait!”

 

When his calls were ignored, Will dashed over and grasped at Simon’s sleeve to stop him. Simon turned and yanked his arm away aggressively, shooting Will an almost disgusted look. Regardless, Will was determined not to be discouraged.

 

“Look, please just give me a moment so we can talk-”

 

“Not now.”

 

With that offhand response, Simon put his head down and started walking again. Will hastily followed.

 

“Simon, this is silly. It doesn’t need to be like this. If you’d just let me apolo-”

 

“I can’t do this right now, Will. I’ve finally got my chance with Carli, and I need all my focus on not making a total fucking balls-up of it as usual. So just back off, yeah?”

 

Stopping when he reached the gates, Simon deliberately turned his back to Will as he looked around for the others. Certainly in no mood to ‘back off’ now they finally had a chance to clear the air, Will set his briefcase down and stood in front of Simon, folding his arms defiantly. When Simon refused to even make eye contact, Will sighed.

 

“At least answer me one question,” he said, fighting to keep the sadness out of his voice. “Why are you so angry with me?”

 

A long pause followed as Simon continued to stare off into the distance. Just when Will thought his question had been ignored, he finally received an answer.

 

“I’m not.”

 

“That’s not what it seems like, Si. You’ve ignored me all day, gone out of your way to avoid me in lessons. You can’t even look at me as we’re talking right now.”

 

Simon started to look irritated. “Well, excuse me if I feel just a bit fucking weird about... you know?”

 

“Yes, obviously I do!” Will rolled his eyes. “And I knew fine well you’d end up feeling weird about it. Thus the reason I quite categorically told you that I didn’t want to do it in the first place. Did I or did I not say that?”

 

“Well, if that’s how you felt, then you shouldn’t have kept going on about it.”

 

Will frowned. “I’m sorry?”

 

“You were the one who created a weird atmosphere, telling me about all that stuff you’d done. It never would have happened if you hadn’t have-”

 

“Hang on just a second!” Will snapped, his emotional state finally starting to get the better of him. “I think perhaps we’re remembering things a little differently here because I certainly didn’t volunteer that information, Simon! You were the one who started asking questions, same way you were the one who introduced the same-sex twist to that idiotic game we played! Furthermore, you were the one who went on to practically guilt-trip me into letting you kiss me-”

 

Simon cringed, looking around nervously. “Keep your fucking voice down!”

 

Though still seething, Will obligingly hushed his tone. “-just because you felt like you had something to prove from doing it, goodness knows what! And now you have the nerve to act like it’s entirely my fault things went the way they did?”

 

“Well, I didn’t see you doing anything to stop it.”

 

“Neither did you! In fact, as I remember it, you were the one who kept pushing the envelope further!”

 

Simon opened his mouth to respond, but simply sighed and shook his head.

 

“And you can shake your head all you fucking want, mate,” Will hissed. “But that’s exactly what happened and don’t you dare deny it! I don’t remember being the one pinning you on your back, or making a play for your cock first!”

 

Face now aflame, Simon frantically looked back towards the school building. The crowds had dispersed and only a few stragglers now hung about in the courtyard, but Jay and Neil were still nowhere to be seen. He hesitantly turned back to Will, still not looking him in the face.

 

“I already told you, I don’t wanna do this today.”

 

“Well, tough, because this involves both of us! It isn’t just about what you want! Do you honestly think you’re the only one who’s had a hard time dealing with what happened? I’ve spent the entire weekend distraught, terrified that I’d lost you forever over one stupid mistake. Yet clearly, our friendship means so little to you that you can’t even garner the decency to speak to me about it! We both fucked up on Friday, Simon. And yes, I’m embarrassed by what happened too. But at least I still have the guts to look you in the eye while I’m talking to you!”

 

He couldn’t decide whether Will’s tirade sounded more upset or angry, but what Simon **had** decided was that he’d heard enough of it. As he hastily turned to head back towards the school in search of his other friends, Simon’s foot caught on Will’s briefcase. He tripped forward, stumbling into the smaller boy, who instinctively put his hands out to prevent his friend from falling any further. His fingers clutching sleek blazer material as he regained his footing, Simon found there was no longer any escape from looking directly into the soft dark eyes he worked so hard to avoid. For the first time that day, Simon was given a long hard glimpse at the sheer exhaustion and sadness in his best friend’s face. And now that they were up so close, Simon’s eyes finally revealed to Will that he wasn’t the only one who was frustrated and in pain.

 

Without really meaning to, Will gave the tense shoulders his hands had captured a comforting squeeze. Simon shuddered, rapidly becoming aware of how ridiculously contented he felt in the other boy’s arms. As they steadily relaxed in the comfort of each other’s body heat, something started to wash over them. Something that made them both feel strangely better about everything all of a sudden. It was that feeling from Friday again; that unusual warm static sensation they’d experienced when they’d randomly locked eyes with each other from across the couch. Will pursed his lips nervously, unintentionally catching Simon’s attention. He gazed at Will’s mouth with narrowed eyes and gritted teeth, as if the mere sight of it was tormenting him somehow. Will tried to say something, but couldn’t bring himself to. He didn’t want to risk ruining this like he’d ruined everything else. Right or wrong, this moment was perfect, and he didn’t want it to stop...

 

Familiar voices in the distance snapped Simon out of his daze, and he saw that the others were finally on their way over. As if he’d only just realised the compromising position they were in, Simon shoved Will away from him. Not expecting this, Will lost his balance and fell to the ground. Although he fell hard, he wasn’t hurt. Not physically, anyway. Simon glared down at him as fiercely as possibly, ignoring the wounded expression on the other boy’s face.

 

“I’m warning you, Will. This is the last time I’m saying it. If you don’t back off right now, I’m telling Jay and Neil that you kissed me.”

 

He nodded towards the approaching pair pointedly. Will stared up at Simon in disbelief, a cynical smile tweaking his lips.

 

“While conveniently neglecting to mention the part where you instigated it, you mean?”

 

“I can say whatever I want to them, can’t I? Do you honestly think they’ll believe you over me?”

 

The vindictive smirk on Simon’s face shook Will to his core. It was as if this boy standing in front of him was a complete stranger. Had what taken place between them really affected his best friend so profoundly? As if to answer his question, Simon stooped down so there would be no mistaking his sincerity, his voice low and dripping with hostility.

 

“I’m serious. I can’t deal with this right now. I can’t deal with **you** right now, so just stay the fuck away from me.”

 

The callously spoken words along with the aforementioned threat of betrayal had given Will a violent nudge back towards his breaking point. His chest ached like something was trying to tear him open from the inside. The second he felt his eyes prickling with oncoming tears, he shakily scrambled to his feet and bolted, not daring to look back. As he watched his distressed friend dash away, the maliciousness melted from Simon’s expression. His stomach lurched, as if his heart had dropped down into it. He hated himself for making Will look like that, but it was for the best. Wasn’t it? Or was it? He rubbed his temples, his mind whirring as the same frustration he’d been battling with all weekend started rising inside of him again. For fuck’s sake! Just when he thought he’d finally got the situation under control, Will had to go and ruin it by forcing them to talk! He’d said he wasn’t ready yet! Why did Will always have to be so pushy about everything? If he’d just waited one more fucking day...

 

“What was that all about?” Jay asked as he appeared at Simon’s side.

 

“Where the fuck have you two been?!”

 

The other boys looked at each other, bewildered at how irate their friend both looked and sounded. Neil smiled sheepishly.

 

“Sorry, mate. Donovan took my PE kit in the loos and flushed it. Got ‘eld up rescuin’ my shorts from the u-bend.”

 

As if to prove his story, he held his carrier bag of soggy clothing aloft for all to see. Simon rolled his eyes.

 

“Honestly, the first fucking day in school history that you two fuckers are the last ones out and it had to be today! Of all fucking days!”

 

“I said I was sorry,” Neil said, looking quite hurt.

 

“Yeah, chill your bollocks, Romeo,” Jay cut in. “You’ll still get home in time to tart yourself up for your big date, don’t worry!”

 

Simon could only sigh tiredly in response to that, turning to gaze off in the direction that Will had gone. The other boy had totally vanished from sight now, and even though that was exactly what he’d needed to happen, Simon couldn’t quell the feelings of guilt and regret percolating in his gut.

 

“What happened with Briefcase?” Jay asked again.

 

“Nothing. Just him being a dick, as usual.”

 

Inside, he cringed at his friends’ sympathetic nods. Just saying those words made him feel even more terrible. Will wasn’t a dick. Far from it, in fact. That was the problem though... Smiling as brightly as he could muster in the circumstances, Simon gestured towards the pavement.

 

“Shall we go then?”

 

//\\\//\\\//\\\//\\\//\\\

 

_AN: Thank you for reading! The section in the common room was such a bitch to write. I don’t do well when there are more than two characters on the go for some reason, so if it reads like a total bag of shite, that’s why. My apologies that Simon was such an absolute fuckhead in this chapter too. Hopefully, he’ll redeem himself in chapter three... which I swear won’t take nine months to produce! Since seeing Inbetweeners 2, my love for Will/Simon has been totally rejuvenated (Interlocked fingers...that’s all I can say without spoiling anything!) so I am keen as fuck to write this thing! Thanks again for reading! Let me know what you think!_


	3. Chapter 3

Author note: I know I promised last time that it wouldn’t take nine months to update this bastard. And to be fair, I told the truth. This time, it took ten months instead. My apologies! The good news is, I’ve now finished my undergraduate degree, so I now have some extra free time for doing fun stuff like churning out this shit for you lovely people! Anyway, you’ve waited long enough. Thanks for your patience, and enjoy chapter three!

-  


Hypothetically Speaking - Chapter 3

 

Will blinked heavily, the pavement beneath his feet swimming as he trudged towards what would no doubt be another day of hell. Despite retreating to bed the moment he’d arrived home the previous afternoon, he’d still seen very little sleep. It hadn’t helped that his mum had spent the evening persistently popping her head around the door to fuss over him. He’d quickly grown fed up of reassuring her that nothing was wrong; that it was just one of his migraines. That he didn’t need a doctor or his teddy or a ‘mummy-cuddle’, or anything else she thought of to offer him. On the plus side, he’d managed to abstain from crying for over twelve hours now, although purely because he felt too damn exhausted to expend the energy on doing so.

 

Having had ample time to think things over, it was now obvious to Will that he’d gone about dealing with Simon in entirely the wrong way. No wonder his plan to smooth things over had gone pear-shaped - clearly, Simon hadn’t fully processed the situation yet and was in some form of denial. And while Will gladly accepted his own share of the blame, hearing Simon skewing details in an attempt to absolve himself of any accountability for their little discretion had pushed him to his tipping point. Consequentially, it seemed that his best friend was slowly becoming yet another enemy. The whole sordid mess had certainly brought out Simon’s hostile side, but Will had faith that the other boy was not cruel enough to make good on his promise to spill the beans over Will’s sexual leanings, let alone twist things to make him seem like some sort of insidious homosexual predator. And as hurt as he’d felt by Simon’s threats, Will could now see a glimmer of hope. When they’d finally come face to face, the conflict in Simon’s eyes had been crystal clear. To Will, it was a sign that not all was lost, that his friend still felt some form of affection for him. Even if it was strictly platonic.

 

Will eyed the school gates as he entered them, feeling like a criminal revisiting a crime-scene as memories of the previous day filtered across his mind’s eye. In the moment he’d held Simon in his arms, every unchecked thought and emotion that had surged through Will’s body had caused him to hate himself just that little bit more. He’d noticed, as if for the first time, just how relieved and secure Simon’s touch made him feel, and how the warmth of the other boy’s breath on his lips made his stomach flutter. He’d marvelled at how beautiful Simon’s crystal-blue eyes were, and how so much more handsome he’d seemed compared to the last time Will had looked at him so closely.

 

Perhaps most shamefully of all, he’d thought about how wonderful it might have been to kiss Simon again. And although it certainly wouldn’t have been the most productive outcome, part of Will wished he’d just gone for it. At least it might have made being unceremoniously knocked on his arse seem worth it. Either way, it was clear that his romantic feelings for his best friend weren’t buried quite as deeply as he’d convinced himself that they were. And for that, Will felt truly disgusted with himself. Not only was it highly inappropriate for him to be pining after his straight best friend, but it was as if his own heart was deliberately tormenting him, making him yearn for something he could never have. He couldn’t allow himself to continue feeling such things; it simply wasn’t proper, or even logical! He was being foolish, and the sooner his stupid heart realised that, the better. He had to get over himself and shift focus to winning Simon’s friendship back, or else risk losing him completely.

 

Will entered his form room just as the bell rang for registration, and quickly took an empty seat nearest to the door. He was vaguely aware of the random kid in the seat next to him protesting against his presence, but didn’t care enough to acknowledge it. His eyes remained fixed forward, defying their almost instinctive need to seek out his friend. Resisting such urges was to be a vital part of his new plan of action. Simon had stated, in no uncertain terms, that he wanted nothing to do with Will for the time being. The least Will could do was respectfully oblige until Simon was ready to talk.

 

Avoiding Simon was rather easy in the morning. Their first period Sociology class consisted of writing an essay under mock exam conditions, so everyone had been allocated their own single desk. By the end of class, Will was sure his tired brain had caused him to churn out the most god-awful piece of work he’d ever produced, but at least it didn’t count towards his final grade. He then spent morning break and the free period that followed it in the library, trying to catch up on the work he’d zoned out from the previous day. It was somewhat of a fruitless effort, but at least it kept his mind occupied. When lunch-time came, he decided to venture outside to sit on his own. The weather wasn’t great that day, windy and rather cold with threats of drizzling rain, so the usually popular benched area of the yard was deserted. Will took a tentative bite out of one of the sandwiches his mother had lovingly prepared for him, and instantly felt bile rising in his throat. He delicately spat the offending mouthful of food into a tissue and tossed it into the nearest bin. He’d had a very poor appetite since Saturday, and it didn’t appear to be getting any better. He really needed to pull himself together soon. This situation with Simon was already affecting his schoolwork. Was it going to start affecting his health next?

 

Before Will had a chance to lose himself in more self-pitying thoughts, he felt something flick at his ear from behind. He turned to find Jay’s unimpressed face glaring down at him.

 

“Oi, you deaf? Did you not hear us shouting of you?”

 

Naturally, Jay was flanked by their two other friends. Determined to stick to his plan, Will kept his eyes fixed on the blond lad who continued to rant at him.

 

“Could you not have answered your fucking phone at least? We’ve wasted ten minutes of lunch hunting you down!”

 

“Didn’t realise I was so popular.”

 

“You’re not,” Jay snorted. “But apparently some of us think you’re five years old or something and wanted to ‘make sure you were alright’.”

 

He nodded towards Simon disgustedly. Will caught Simon shooting a scowl in Jay’s direction, but any further reaction was blocked from sight as Neil’s lanky form crossed between them. He plopped down onto the bench beside Will, eyeing his bespectacled friend’s washed-out face.

 

“What you doin’ out here on your own anyway?” he asked, sounding oddly concerned.

 

“Just getting some fresh air.”

 

“Ain’t that what you said yesterday? When you was bein’ weird outside the gates?”

 

Will felt his cheeks flush slightly. “Umm... yes. I’ve been having a lot of migraines recently. I find being outside helps.”

 

“So what’s that mean?” Jay said. “That we have to sit out here in the freezing wind, listening to you whinge about your sore head?”

 

“I’m not whinging, I’m just saying,” Will said evenly. “And no, of course you don’t have to sit with me. If you wish to go back inside now that you’ve confirmed that I am indeed ‘alright’, I’m not stopping you.”

 

Before the other two had a chance to respond, Neil pulled his lunchbox out from his backpack, grinning vacantly as he looked about the empty schoolyard.

 

“Nah, s’alright out ‘ere. I like bein’ outside. It’s good for ya, fresh air an’ that, innit?”

 

Jay and Simon exchanged glances before reluctantly taking seats on the opposite side of the bench. The four boys sat in silence for a moment, arranging their respective packed lunches out on the bench table-top. Neil took a massive bite out of a sausage roll as he nodded towards Simon.

 

“Thought you’d maybes be havin’ lunch with Carli today, Si.”

 

“Yeah, you’ve still not said what happened last night,” Jay added. “Spill.”

 

Will forced himself to maintain a neutral expression despite his gritted teeth. Amidst all the drama, he’d forgotten about Simon’s impromptu ‘date’ with his childhood sweetheart. Eyes downcast, Simon slowly took a bite from his sandwich. The unprecedented amount of time he spent chewing that single mouthful of food didn’t escape Will’s attention. He had often scolded the other boys for eating like gannets, amongst their countless other displays of improper dining etiquette. A few seconds later, Simon swallowed. Then cleared his throat. Then took a leisurely swig from his coke can. Eventually, he looked up at the three pairs of expectant eyes watching him, taking care to avoid one pair in particular.

 

“I, err...don’t really feel like talking about it right now.”

 

Neil gave a sympathetic nod. “That bad?”

 

“No, it wasn’t bad!” Simon growled, glaring across the table. “At all, actually. I just... don’t wanna jinx it, you know?”

 

“At least tell us whether you got anything?” Jay said.

 

“No.”

 

“Don’t be a twat, just-”

 

“No!”

 

“Why not?”

 

“Because... it’s not right to kiss and tell, is it? It’s disrespectful.”

 

Jay rolled his eyes. “Christ, you’re so fucking bent at times!”

 

Simon visibly bristled. “Alright, fuck it. If you must know, she kissed me goodnight.”

 

“Ooh, a kiss?” Jay cooed sarcastically. “Was it on the lips?”

 

“Yeah it was, actually! A proper long one with tongues and everything. On her doorstep, under the stars, just as it started to rain. And it was the best, most romantic kiss ever. Absolutely fucking perfect.”

 

Not missing the pointed glances he was being shot, Will suddenly felt the urge to mush his unwanted sandwich right into his best mate’s stupid babyish face. Was Simon trying to make a point by being so deliberately insistent of his heterosexuality, something he knew fine well Will was very aware of? Pathetic! Judging by the way Jay snorted with laughter, he agreed.

 

“Bender! That’s what Carli gets for going out with a limp-wristed Disney prince like you. If it’d been me she was out with, we wouldn’t have even made it to the pub. I’m telling you, one dose of the old Cartwright charm and she’d have been spread-eagle across my bonnet, begging for a seeing-to.”

 

“Oh, come off it!” Will snapped, a little more harshly than intended. “With your lack of charisma and substandard articulation, you’d stand a better chance at charming a king cobra than you would a woman’s... intimate area.”

 

“That’s where you’re wrong, Moany McFace-ache,” Jay shot back. “When I’m on my game, I can make any bird frothy from up to ten paces away.”

 

“Well, I’ve never seen you ‘on your game’.”

 

“That’s ‘cause a magician never reveals his secrets, mate. My moves are legendary, too powerful for mere mortals to behold.”

 

“At least the magician analogy is accurate. They attempt to pass off complete bullshit as reality too.”

 

Jay narrowed his eyes. “Whatever. You’re just upset that I won’t let you peak behind the curtain.”

 

“Oh, I’m truly devastated...”

 

“Sorry, can’t be helped. But if it’s advice that you’re after, Neil’s always happy to share some of his not-so-legendary techniques.”

 

“I don’t remember asking for advice.”

 

“Yeah well, with the lack of action you see, you fucking need some. Educate him, Neil.”

 

Neil nodded, licking sausage roll grease from his fingers. Will rolled his eyes but plastered on his best expression of feigned interest regardless. Neil’s so-called ‘advice’ would no doubt consist of absolute bollocks, but Will was happy to humour his friend if it meant they didn’t have to hear any more about Simon’s ‘date’. After a moment of appearing deep in thought, Neil spoke.

 

“Alright. So, if ya wanna get somewhere with a bird, there’s like, different steps you need to take. Like, do ‘em one by one, work your way up, yeah?” He took Will’s raised eyebrow as a sign to continue. “First thing ya need to do is get inside their ‘ead. Best way, I find, is to slowly start touchin’ ‘em, so they don’t really realise. Gets ‘em used to likin’ the way you feel. Sorta like psychic magic or somethin’.”

 

“Ah, so subliminal sexual assault?” Will nodded sarcastically. “How delightful.”

 

“Nah, nothin’ like that. Girls can do it to blokes too. Said so in my sister’s magazine.”

 

“Really? Well, then it must be true! I mean, who are we to question the wisdom of the learned scholars at ‘Grazia’?”

 

Neil nodded sagely before patting Will’s forearm and gesturing at the table. “You gonna eat that?”

 

Will eyed his abandoned lunch with a disdainful smirk.

 

“No, go ahead.”

 

Neil scooped up the partly-eaten sandwich and took a large bite out of it, grinning in satisfaction.

 

“See? When I touched ya just then, you smiled at me a bit. Bet you didn’t even notice, did ya?”

 

“Well, so fucking what? That’s hardly proof that you’re successfully conditioning me to enjoy you-”

 

Will was cut short as a knee knocked against his under the table. Neil shot him a sheepish smile.

 

“Sorry.”

 

“It’s fine.”

 

The smile transformed into another grin. “See? Just did it again.”

 

Will sighed, exasperated. “Yes, but I still don’t see how it would make me want to-”

 

Clearly ignoring the other boy, Neil brushed his fingertips against Will’s blazer sleeve. “Got a thread on you, look.”

 

Will slapped the hand away. “No, I don’t! Stop it!”

 

“Told ya, it works. It’s definitely affectin’ ya.”

 

“Yes, but it’s not turning me on, it’s just pissing me off!”

 

Neil shrugged. “Probably ‘cause you’re a bloke. If you were a bird, you’d be well wet by now.”

 

“Hmm, I dunno, mate,” Jay chimed in. “Think I’m gonna have to side with Briefcase on this one. Sounds like bollocks to me.”

 

Neil looked rather hurt. “What d’ya mean?”

 

“I mean that you’re never gonna get knuckle-deep if you just sit about picking invisible threads off a bird all night, are ya?”

 

“Well, no. That’s just for starters, obvs. If ya wanna take it up a notch, ya gotta make proper contact. Best off stickin’ with the classics for that. Like this...”

 

Letting out an overly-exaggerated fake yawn, Neil stretched his arms out and slipped one around Will’s shoulder. In an instant, it was pushed away.

 

“Would you kindly stop touching me, Neil?!”

 

“Why, what’s wrong?”

 

“What’s wrong is that you’re feeling up another bloke, mate!” Jay said, also starting to look unnerved. “It’s well bent!”

 

Neil pouted slightly. “No, it ain’t!”

 

“It’s gayer than your dad’s Internet history, is what it is!”

 

“Nah, it’s just pretend! Actin’ an’ that, like we did in Drama at GCSE. Just pretend Will’s a dead skanky-lookin’ bird or somethin’.”

 

Jay smirked. “Suppose that’s easy enough.”

 

Before Will could respond, he felt Neil’s arm firmly encircle his shoulder once again. As nice as the closeness of his friend’s body heat felt in the cold wind, Will’s entire body seemed to instinctively go rigid and lean in the opposite direction. His face grew hot and he didn’t quite know where to look. He glanced around the yard, relieved to find that they weren’t being observed. He looked over at Jay, who suddenly appeared to be highly amused, no doubt by Will’s obvious discomfort. For the first time in a while, Will’s eyes fell on Simon. His lips were tightly pursed, his jaw quivering slightly as if he was grinding his teeth, and judging by the way he was staring down at his lunchbox, the ingredients list on his yoghurt pot must have been fucking fascinating. Perhaps this little display was hitting a little too close to home for him, especially coupled with Jay’s (admittedly accurate) observations regarding the gayness of it all. Content that his student was now fully compliant, Neil continued on with his master class.

 

“Right, then all you do is wait for the signal.”

 

“What signal?” Jay asked.

 

“Any signal she wants to move up another notch. Like, she might...”

 

Neil grabbed Will’s wrist, positioning the other boy’s hand to rest upon his knee. At the end of his tether, Will jerked his hand away.

 

“Neil, no!” he said sternly. “That’s entirely too much! No more notches, alright? That’s more than enough notches for one day!”

 

“But it’s just pretend!”

 

“I don’t fucking care! We’re in school, in case you hadn’t noticed!”

 

“Fucking hell, could you be any more uptight?” Jay interjected. “Just relax, stop being so precious about it.”

 

“You just said this was ‘bent’!”

 

Jay’s grin was positively devilish. “Nah, it’s educational, innit? I thought you liked learning stuff.”

 

“Exactly!” Neil added. “Just pretend you’re learnin’, like from one of them borin’ documentaries you watch.”

 

“This is hardly Louis Theroux-worthy subject matter though, is it?” Will spluttered.

 

Suddenly, Neil’s expression grew concerned, eyes locked on Will’s face. “Ooh, shit...”

 

“What?”

 

“Hold still! There’s somethin’ on your cheek.”

 

The arm around Will’s shoulder tightened as Neil leaned in closer.

 

“What are you-?”

 

“S’alright, think it’s just an eyelash. Hang on.”

 

Neil cupped Will’s chin in his free hand, manoeuvring his thumb to rid his friend’s cheek of the apparent flaw. When their eyes met, something about the solemnity in Neil’s face prevented Will from looking away. It wasn’t long before he realised Neil was leaning in ever closer to him. He felt a rush of panic.

 

_Oh, no... He fucking wouldn’t! Would he? No, there’s no way he’d dare to..._

 

As if to answer Will’s concerns, Neil continued to move in. He showed no sign of stopping, and was quickly close enough that Will could detect a distinct whiff of sausage roll...

 

“No!”

 

Their friend’s harsh voice startled both boys into jumping apart. Will looked up at Simon who sat rigid with wide eyes, hand clamped firmly over his mouth as if he could hardly believe that such a sound was capable of coming from it. Although his eyes were locked on Will’s face, the spaced-out expression he wore made it seem as if he was simply staring into nothingness. It was eerie enough to make Will’s spine tingle. Realising they’d been staring at each other a little too long for comfort, Will turned his attention to the fourth member of their group. The slack-jawed expression on Jay’s traumatised face would have made Will laugh if he hadn’t have been so flustered. Having fully come to his senses, Will pulled away from Neil, scooting along the bench to put some distance between them. He looked over at Simon again in time to see the other boy drop his face into his hands, his fingers kneading his forehead as if he was nursing a headache. Oblivious as usual, Neil smirked in triumph.

 

“See? There weren’t no eyelash, but it let me move in close, lookin’ all serious an’ that. If you were a bird, there’s like a two hundred percent chance you’d have snogged me just then.”

 

Jay gaped at Neil, utterly incredulous. “Mate...what the fuck was that?”

 

“What?”

 

“What d’ya mean ‘what?’? Have you gone fucking mental? You just tried to snog Briefcase, you mong!”

 

Neil’s smile fell. “That’s not what I was tryin’ to do!”

 

“You see what I mean? This is exactly what I’ve been saying to you for ages! I’ve warned you about spending too much time with your dad, ain’t I? All those hours fishing, alone together in a little boat. I said it was gonna rub off on you sooner or later, and look what’s fucking happened! You’re turning, mate!”

 

“No, I’m not!”

 

“You must be, if you’re trying to snog a bloke! That’s pretty much the dictionary definition of ‘being a bender’!”

 

“I wasn’t properly tryin’ though! I wasn’t actually gonna snog him or nothin’! I was just showin’ him the ropes!”

 

“Yeah, bet you’d love to show him some ropes. Of your spunk, across his face.”

 

“Fuck off! It was just actin’!”

 

“Oh, right? And is that your dad’s excuse when you catch him fisting the milkman?”

 

“Okay, enough!” Will interrupted. “It was what it was, which was nothing, so let’s just leave it! Can we talk about something else now, please?”

 

Jay eyed Will’s face, the amusement creeping back into his voice. “Are you fucking blushing?”

 

“Of course I am!” Will snapped.

 

“Ooh! Think you might be in there, Neil! Got yourself a royal boner there, Prince William?”

 

“No, I’m just extremely embarrassed! I’m not exactly accustomed to being molested in public, funnily enough!”

 

“I was only mucking about!” Neil said huffily. “I didn’t mean to molester you.”

 

“Nah, don’t worry, Neil,” Jay smirked. “He’s just wound up ‘cause that’s the most action he’s seen in ages. Ungrateful twat should be thanking you, if anything.”

 

From where he’d been sat motionless, Simon suddenly grabbed his backpack and rose from the bench.

 

“Right, I’m going back in,” he muttered.

 

“Aw, I just got comfy though.”

 

“So fucking stay then!” Simon snapped. “I’m sure Will appreciates the company.”

 

The other three looked on in confusion as Simon strode back towards the school building without a second glance back. Jay hesitantly moved to follow, but quickly settled back down in his seat when he saw how forcefully his friend flung open the school entrance way door. With a nervous chuckle, Will tried to act nonchalant.

 

“What’s up with him?”

 

Neil shrugged. “Dunno.”

 

“I reckon you two freaked him out.” Jay said.

 

“Why?”

 

“‘Cause normal people don’t like watching two blokes trying to get off with each other, that’s why, Neil.”

 

“That’s proper sexist.”

 

“I think you mean homophobic, Neil.” Will said.

 

“Oh, right, yeah. That’s that thing where you’re scared of benders, innit?”

 

“Si must shit himself when he sees your dad.” Jay quipped.

 

“I think the ‘Neil’s dad’ jokes are starting to wear a little thin now, Jay,” Will said with a sigh, then after a pause added; “You seriously think that’s what made him leave though?”

 

“Nah, he’s just fucked off that he didn’t get anything last night, ain’t he? Probably heard Neil’s advice just now and is off to rethink his strategy. Suppose that’s what happens when you latch onto finicky little prick-teases like Carli. All effort and no reward. Waste of fucking time, if you ask me.”

 

“I didn’t.”

 

As usual, Will’s response was ignored as Jay delved into the storied woes of the dreaded ‘blue-balls syndrome’. He was easily tuned out as Will once again found himself trying not to become distracted by Simon’s erratic behaviour. Of course, Jay’s explanation seemed logical enough. Will just wasn’t so sure it was the correct one.

 

//\\\//\\\//\\\//\\\//\\\//\\\

 

The remainder of the hour passed by without any further drama or inappropriate touching. Will sat in his afternoon Politics class, zoning out of the lesson to think about what had transpired over lunch. He’d probably overreacted a little to Neil’s behaviour towards him. He knew Neil well enough to believe him when he said their little interaction had been entirely innocent. And although embarrassing, it hadn’t been all bad. After all, Neil was an attractive bloke. Will had briefly thought that he may have even enjoyed the situation a little more, had they not had an audience. Then again, he probably would have felt rather perverted to have stolen any pleasure from the encounter – to do so would have involved taking advantage of Neil’s naivety, which would basically put him in the same depraved league as Paedo Kennedy. Still, it was interesting to learn that Neil was comfortable enough with his sexuality to touch another man so intimately. It was a level of maturity Will certainly hadn’t expected from the other boy. Another not-so-surprising discovery had been that Jay was apparently stupid enough to believe that homosexuality could be caught, as if it were a common cold. The lad was either borderline homophobic or outrageously ignorant, or perhaps a helping of both. Either way, it had made Will’s mind up that he wouldn’t be revealing any of his darkest secrets to Jay any time soon.

 

Despite being mortifying in places, the banter between himself, Neil and Jay had been somewhat of a welcome break from reality. It had made him feel as if things were getting back to normal. Even though, judging by Simon’s input into proceedings, they clearly weren’t. Will couldn’t decide if Jay was correct in his thinking that Simon had stormed off due to things not quite going to plan with Carli. It was far more likely that he’d reacted to the way in which Neil had conducted his ‘lesson’. Not that Will believed that Simon had been made to feel jealous or anything – perhaps in Will’s fantasies, but certainly not in reality. Perhaps it had given Simon a sense of déjà vu that he just couldn’t cope with, a harsh reminder that the regrettable blemish on his friendship with Will was still quite raw, and that he wasn’t quite ready for things to continue on as normal just yet.

 

The silver lining of the day had been that Simon apparently still cared enough to seek him out at lunch, if Jay’s tattling had been accurate. It made sense to an extent; Will had often told Simon how much he disliked being alone. Presumably, Simon had caught sight of Will at registration and then wondered where he’d disappeared off to. But at the same time, it was an odd thing for him to do. After all, Will was only doing what Simon had asked of him, which was to stay out of the way until further notice. But then, Simon was a strange one; impulsive, intense and somewhat mysterious at times. So as unhelpful as these mixed signals were to Will, perhaps it was best (not to mention less exhausting) not to try to read into his friend’s enigmatic behaviour. Hopefully, he would come to his senses and explain himself in due course.

 

It wasn’t until Will’s body lurched forward at his desk that he realised his eyes had drifted shut at some point. The tiredness was starting to really hit him now. After politely excusing himself to the toilet, Will was soon splashing his face with cold water. School would be over in a few hours. Perhaps he would be tired enough to finally give into sleep when he got home. As he positioned his glasses back onto his face, he heard the door to one of the toilet cubicles open behind him. When he caught sight of who it was in the bathroom mirror, he wasn’t quite sure how to react. Was he supposed to just go about his business and pretend he hadn’t noticed who was here with him? Should he offer a quick informal greeting, excuse himself and let that be the end of it? What was the protocol in a situation like this? Did a protocol for a situation like this even exist?

 

“Alright?”

 

At the sound of Simon’s voice, Will hesitantly turned around. The other boy stood, hands in pockets as he leaned against the cubicle door. Something was a little off about him, but Will couldn’t quite put his finger on what. He was more distracted by the fact that Simon was speaking to him amicably all of a sudden.

 

“Err... yeah, fine... How are you?”

 

Simon let out a derisive snort. “Yeah, brilliant. My life’s just fucking... brilliant at the minute, mate.”

 

As he moved towards the sinks, Simon seemed a little off-balance, his hands shooting outward to grip the weathered porcelain. Watching his friend closely, Will leaned in to get a closer look at Simon’s face when a distinct smell hit him.

 

“Are you... have you been drinking?”

 

To Will’s horror, an offhand shrug was all he received in reply.

 

“Simon! Have you lost your mind? We’re at school!”

 

“I know that. I just needed to relax.”

 

“Then take deep breaths or have some cocoa!”

 

“This stuff does the job quicker though.”

 

Simon pulled a small almost empty vodka bottle out of his trouser pocket and waved it in front of Will’s face. Beyond appalled, Will snatched the bottle from him, examining it in disbelief.

 

“Where the fuck did you get this?”

 

“Some chavvy kid’s bag.”

 

“You stole it?”

 

“Yeah. So? Not like he’s gonna report it missing or anything, is it?”

 

“I’d imagine not, since alcohol is strictly prohibited on school grounds! Seriously, what on earth are you thinking? If Gilbert catches you in this state, he’s bound to-”

 

“Look, do me a favour and stop telling me what to do, yeah?”

 

“I’m not. I’m simply pointing out that-”

 

He was cut off when Simon suddenly snatched the bottle back from him.

 

“Well, don’t. Don’t point anything out, ‘cause I don’t wanna fucking hear it, alright?”

 

Simon tried to take a swig for emphasis, but failed to notice that the lid was still on. Will could only look on in exasperation as Simon struggled to fathom why the bottle was no longer working. After a few seconds of observing such pitiable behaviour, he couldn’t take it anymore.

 

“Sit down, for God’s sake.”

 

Will guided Simon to the nearest wall and assisted him in sitting safely on the floor. He took the bottle again, emptying its contents down the sink and refilling it with water. He handed him the bottle back to Simon, kneeling by his side.

 

“We need to sober you up before someone sees you. Drink this for a start. Do you have any deodorant with you, or aftershave? Maybe there’s some air-freshener in here. We’ll need to spray you down with something before you leave this room; you absolutely reek of booze! I think I have some mints somewhere... You didn’t drive in today, did you? There’s no way you’re getting behind the wheel in this state.”

 

Sighing, Simon set the bottle on the ground between them untouched.

 

“Will, stop fussing.”

 

Not to be deterred, Will placed the water back into Simon’s hand.

 

“Drink.”

 

“I said stop. I’m okay.”

 

“No, you’re clearly pissed. You need to get yourself straight home before anyone-”

 

A flash of anger surged through Simon as he forcefully shoved the bottle back towards Will, spilling water over both of them in the process. Will barely had the chance to feel offended before Simon started raving at him.

 

“For fuck’s sake, stop telling me what to do! I’m sick of you dictating how I’m supposed to feel all the time! Just get off my fucking case!”

 

“Fine!” Will snapped back. “Sorry for giving a shit! Have fun getting yourself expelled!”

 

Will got up to leave, but realised his crotch was now soaked with water. He cursed under his breath, stomping over to the paper towel dispenser to dry himself off. Simon rose to his feet shakily, slumping against the wall as he watched his friend frantically pat his trousers dry with a stack of wafer-thin towels.

 

“You looked good together,” he murmured.

 

“Sorry?”

 

“You heard me.” Simon smirked bitterly at Will’s confused expression. “You should have seen the look on your face. You looked so cosy with his long stick-insecty fucking arm around you. It was nice of you to just sit there, letting him ‘pretend’ or ‘act’ or whatever. Guess it helps when the person treating you like a human sex doll is as fit as Neil though, yeah?”

 

“What the hell are you-?”

 

“That’s what you said on Friday, wasn’t it? That you thought he was fit? Bet you thought today was your lucky day.”

 

“Lucky day? You honestly thought I was enjoying that ridiculousness?”

 

“Didn’t exactly do much to stop it, did you?”

 

“Oh yes, that’s right! How could I forget?” Will ranted, voice loaded with sarcasm. “Everything’s always my fucking responsibility! If one of my friends decides to grope me or kiss me or put their hand on my cock, it’s always entirely my responsibility to put a stop to things, isn’t it? Nobody else is ever accountable for any of their own actions! Not you, not Neil. Just me, right?”

 

Apparently ignoring Will, Simon continued on. “Neil seemed to be enjoying himself too. Didn’t really seem to bother him that you’re another bloke, did it? Bet he’d have gone in for that snog if you’d been on your own.”

 

The soggy crumpled paper towels in Will’s hands were abruptly tossed to the floor. “For God’s sake, you drunken moron! It wasn’t like that! You heard what Neil said, he was just-”

 

“Bet he’d be up for fucking you too. Probably just convince himself that it was all ‘pretend’. It’s not gay when you’re pretending, apparently.”

 

“Excuse me! I have no desire to fuck Neil, and I’d care to bet that he feels the same way! That entire performance out on the bench was completely innocent on both sides, and you know it! What exactly is the point of this, Simon? What has you so bothered that you would do this to yourself?”

 

Simon’s eyes narrowed. “When did I say I was bothered? I’m not bothered. Not by you, and especially not by that simple lanky twat.”

 

“That’s enough! Neil is our friend! He’s done nothing wrong in all of this and personal attacks against him are completely uncalled for!”

 

“Ooh, sorry. Didn’t mean ‘attack’ your boyfriend.”

 

“He’s not my-“

 

“You’re actually a pretty good match, when I think about it. I mean, nobody appreciates a good handjob more than Neil. Bet you can’t wait to show him your private school tricks. If you haven’t done already, that is.”

 

“I most certainly have not!”

 

“No worries, still time yet. You’re doing pretty well, working your way through the group. Two down, one to go, eh? Jay’d better watch out.”

 

“Watch out for what, exactly? What kind of person do you take me for?”

 

“The kind that wants to wank off other boys?”

 

“I don’t want to wank anyone off!”

 

“You wanked **me** off!”

 

“That was different!”

 

“Oh, I’m special somehow, am I?”

 

“Yes!”

 

The sardonic smirk dropped from Simon’s face.

 

“What? What do you mean, ‘yes’? What’s that supposed to mean?”

 

Will froze, his mouth open but making no sound. He tried to think of something to say fast, but all his brain could do in response was scold him for so stupidly dropping himself in it. He felt his heart starting to race, his eyes locking on the toes of his shoes as he constructed a reasonable answer.

 

“I... Nothing. I just meant that the circumstances under which we...certain things happened were special. I mean, considering the fact that we’d been drinking and talking so intimately, and that I’d told you all that stuff about-”

 

He was cut off when Simon began to laugh scornfully. “Oh my God, Will! You really are the most shit liar ever. You can’t even look at me when you do it, can you?”

 

If that question required an answer, Will wasn’t able to give it one. Intrigued by his friend’s silence, Simon suddenly grew serious.

 

“Do you fancy me or something? Is that what this is?”

 

Trying his utmost not to allow his body language to betray him, Will drew in a composing breath as he finally met Simon’s inquisitive stare.

 

“Does it even matter at this point, Simon?” he said coolly. “Look, your behaviour over the past few days has spoken volumes, so don’t think that I don’t understand your position in this. I know that you don’t like other men in that way. That’s fine. I never thought for a minute that you did. And I know you think that Friday was a massive fuck-up, and you’re absolutely right. It should never have happened, but can we at least try to move-?”

 

“Oh, that’s what I think, is it?” Simon’s anger was starting to rise again. “That’s how I’m feeling? You’re psychic now, are you? You know exactly what’s going on in my head? You have no fucking idea!”

 

“That’s because you’re refusing to talk! You’re forcing me to draw my own conclusions! How am I supposed to know what you’re thinking if you won’t tell me?”

  
“I can’t tell you what I don’t know!”

  
“What does that even mean?”

 

“It means I don’t know what to tell you! I mean, what the fuck do you expect me to say? What do you want from me?”

 

“What I want is...” Will paused, his voice softening. “ **All** I want, Si, is the chance for us to be okay again. You’re the best friend I’ve ever had and I don’t want to lose you. I just want us to be able move passed this, to forget that stuff on Friday ever happened and carry on as normal. Is that really asking too much?”

 

“I’m starting to think it is, actually.”

 

At those words, Will felt as if he’d been sucker-punched in the stomach.

 

“Why?” His voice was weak, strangled by the lump in his throat. “You’re telling me that you don’t know what to say to me, yet clearly some sort of thought process that has brought you to that conclusion. So what’s the bottom line here? ‘Sorry, mate. I can’t get over the fact that we had a stupid drunken fumble. Friendship’s over! See ya!’?”

 

“That’s not what I’m saying.”

 

“What then?”

 

“I don’t know! I’ve told you, now’s not the time to sort this out.”

 

Feeling truly toyed with at this point, Will felt his sadness transforming to anger. He understood that his friend was in turmoil, but he had feelings too. Could Simon not see how profoundly this situation was affecting him also?

 

“Then why did you bother talking to me? When you saw me standing here, why didn’t you just take your pathetic stolen bottle of liquid self-pity and fuck off instead of stopping to give me shit about Neil? I’ve done nothing all day but mind my own business and give you space, as per your request since you supposedly ‘can’t deal with me right now’. But apparently even doing exactly as you ask still isn’t good enough for you! Take your own advice, Simon. Back off and sort your head out, because I can’t deal with **you** right now either.”

 

With that, Will turned towards the door. He had taken barely two steps before Simon grabbed his wrist firmly and pulled him back around. His anger had also risen, his blue eyes wide and intense.

 

“You’re actually telling me to ‘sort my head out’? Seriously?”

 

Will tried to pull away without success. “Simon, let-”

 

“Are you taking the fucking piss? You’re the one who’s got my head fucked in the first place! Can’t you see that? Don’t you get it? This is your fault, Will! It’s your fucking fault!”

 

His grip on Will’s arm suddenly weakening, Simon’s face crumpled. He leant awkwardly against the nearest sink, burying his face in his hands as he started to weep. Seeing Simon so distraught, Will felt his own upset start to fade away.

 

“Si, please. I’m sorr-”

 

Hands falling away from his face and slamming against the sink countertop, Simon glared venomously at the other boy through reddening eyes.

 

“No! Shut up! Just shut the fuck up! Stop talking! Every time you open your fucking mouth, it just makes things worse! Can’t you see what you’re doing to me?”

 

He kicked out violently at the vodka bottle still on the floor. It shattered loudly against the brick bathroom wall, sending shards of glass spraying across the room. Rather shaken by the outburst, Will could only watch in stunned silence as Simon collapsed against the wall, sobbing uncontrollably. Will felt his heart ache at seeing his friend looking so down-trodden and pathetic. He wanted nothing more than to reach out and offer comfort, but thought better of it. Simon’s emotional state was at a whole new level. Any attempt to console him now would probably just make things ten times worse.

 

His shoulders lurching with every frustrated sob, Simon’s legs began to give out from under him. He slid down the wall, unmindful of the broken glass scattered below him. Spotting the danger, Will gave in to his instincts and dove forward, placing his hands on Simon’s shoulders to keep him out of harm’s way. The next thing he knew, Simon’s arms had enveloped him in a crushing hug. He felt Simon’s damp face press into the crook of his neck, gasped breaths and tears blending hot and cold sensations against his skin. Simon was holding him so tightly that it hurt but he allowed it, delicately placing his palms against his friend’s quaking back. The poor thing was all over the place with his emotions. Will wished now more than ever that he could dream up a way to fix this situation but until such an epiphany hit him, he’d have to ride this rollercoaster with Simon and just hope it came to a gentle stop soon.

 

As he nuzzled into Will, Simon felt himself beginning to calm. He sniffled, catching Will’s scent, then deliberately breathed it in deeper. It was light and oaky and soothing; a dramatic contrast with the harsh balsamic notes of the perfume that had set his stomach churning the previous evening. He shuddered at that thought. What the hell was wrong with him? Just what the fuck had happened to change things between them so dramatically? It wasn’t supposed to be like this! Will wasn’t supposed to smell amazing, or make him feel so good with an embrace. His kisses weren’t supposed to taste magical. The very sight of his kindly smile wasn’t supposed to make Simon’s entire world seem less shit. This wasn’t meant to feel so fucking perfect...

 

Simon inclined his head up a little way, tasting his own tears as he pressed his mouth lightly against pale skin. He felt Will’s pulse quicken against his lips and pressed harder. Then again, and again. Will sighed absently, the gentle suckling at his neck making him shiver. When he finally registered what was actually happening, he pulled back to look at Simon. The instant their eyes met, Simon lunged forward and kissed Will hard. A euphoric sense of relief washed over him, like a drug addict indulging in another precious fix. Withdrawal had been painful; he needed this so fucking badly, it hurt. Will felt determined fingers slide into his hair and tighten as Simon took total possession of him. He barely hesitated in relenting as Simon’s eager tongue prised his lips apart. The taste of cheap vodka was slightly off-putting, but not enough to snap him out of how stunned he was over this latest twist in their tale. All he could think of was how good it felt to kiss Simon again, the potential fallout of doing so suddenly seeming inconsequential.

 

Quickly losing himself in his friend’s delicious mouth, Simon pushed Will up against the bathroom wall. As Simon ground against him, Will sensed a distinct hardness pressing against his thigh and couldn’t help but feel oddly flattered. His hands leaving Will’s hair, Simon traced his fingertips down the other boy’s heaving chest. He didn’t stop there, continuing downwards and locating the fastening to Will’s trousers. He gently squeezed the bulge he found growing there, feeling pleased with himself when Will gasped and shuddered beneath him. Wanting more, he began to urgently fumble with Will’s zipper. Being sober and quite aware of where they were, Will pushed Simon’s hands away. Not discouraged by this, Simon went right back on the attack, his kisses becoming more aggressive as he impatiently slid his hand down the front of Will’s trousers. Something within Will stirred, and he found himself no longer enjoying any of this. He shoved Simon away from him roughly, cringing as the other boy nearly toppled over in surprise. He grabbed the exit door handle and hesitated, unsure about leaving his friend in such a state. Catching the quizzical and wounded look on Simon’s face, Will winced apologetically before dashing from the room.

 

Bewildered, Simon stood, a meteor shower of thoughts blasting through his head as he gazed at the now closed door. After a moment of silence, he unsteadily wandered back over to the sinks. He stared at himself in the mirror, not sure whether to laugh, cry, scream or punch a wall. Instead, he settled for doubling over and loudly vomiting onto the glass-laden floor.

 

What a complete fucking mess.

 

//\\\//\\\//\\\//\\\//\\\

 

AN: Nice long chapter, huh? Hope you enjoyed it! Thanks for reading!


End file.
